Antonio Brown Just Called Me A Virgin On Twitter, So Now I Have To Convince The World I've Had Sex
Technically AB quote tweeted himself, so he is a virgin? BUT, he has CTE so I don't expect his brain to work. I understand what he meant. I was one of 3 people in the clip Antonio Brown tweeted out with the caption "this dude def a virgin bro", and since Large has been happily married for two decades, and Kenjac is engaged, that leaves Ol' Vibbsy right in the cross hairs. That means I could handle this two ways ...
1. laugh that 7 time pro bowler Antonio Brown took time out of his day to say I look like a little virg boy, or ...
2. tweet through this shit and try to convince everyone on twitter I've been inside a pussy
I choose option 2. As speculations came out last week that Meek Mill was hooking up with P. Diddy, Meek put on a masterclass to convince the internet he loves fucking chicks. What's more straight than fucking a chick 1 time? Fucking a chick 2 times ...
All I need to do is recreate a tweet like this to convince the world I have definitely had sexual relations. Only problem is I'm afraid I won't be able to paint the perfect picture like Meek. Describing good pussy as juicy is poetic. I'm not a wordsmith like Meek. I'm a bland, saltine cracker of a blogger. I'm afraid if I start describing sex it's going to sound Steve Carrel in 40 Year Old Virgin saying touching a boob is like grabbing a bag of sand. Which brings up option three of how to handle this scenario ...
3. Let the world know I'm a virgin by choice because of religion
Not having sex isn't my choice, by the grace of God I have not yet felt that good good. Oh, I'm a virgin? Yeah, because I don't want break God's rules and go to hell. I'm saving it for the right person. Worked well for Tim Tebow. I wonder if AB still remembers Tim Tebow?
The good news is you can't be a sex offender if you have never had sex. Until the time comes that I do have sex, I'll just be sitting here, cranking my hog in public by the pool. Waiting for that special day to come cum.