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Heavy Metal AF: Dosing Your Rival Band Member With Estrogen To Steal His Fiancee

DAI KUROKAWA. Shutterstock Images.

Consequence Heavy - In one of the most bizarre band shakeups of all time, a hardcore band named Llorona has fired their singer after he allegedly dosed his bandmate with estrogen in a plot to steal his fiancée.

The Nashville-based band revealed the news in a post on their Instagram account, which has since been deactivated. Apparently, the singer, Diego, was obsessed with bassist Sixx’s fiancée. The vocalist allegedly secretly dosed Sixx with estrogen in an effort to make the bassist more feminine, and to use the opportunity to “swoop in” by looking “stronger and more manly in comparison.” The alleged diabolical plot led to Sixx seeking medical attention, and racking up thousands of dollars in doctors’ bills.

Thank you Consequence Heavy for tipping me off to this very important heavy metal news. This story should be getting way more attention than it currently is. It's quite possibly the most heavy metal news story I've ever heard. It's also quite possibly the least heavy metal news story I've ever heard (due to the estrogen). I'm a little torn between the two, but I'm going to lean yes, it is metal. Drugging your rival bandmate to steal his broad Jeff Nadu style is metal no matter which way you slice it. 

What an interesting strategy from Diego. Attempting to steal Sixx's girl by dosing him with estrogen until one day he wakes up with voluptuous double d's and his penis retracted into his butthole (or whatever estrogen does to a man I'm not really sure). Put yourself in Diego's shoes for a second. You're in love with Sixx's girl. She's the perfect heavy metal chick. Her hair is purple, she has her nose pierced like a bull, she bites the heads of rats and snakes and puts motor oil in her coffee, all the things heavy metal chicks do. There's not too many of those out there. This girl is a catch. And Diego had to sit idly by and watch Sixx, who isn't even the lead singer of the band, get proposed to his dream woman. Time was running out. Once they were married it was game over. Turning him into a woman would be going too far at that point. But if he could force a sex change on him quick enough, then maybe he could swoop in before the buzzer and the two would ride off into the sunset.

However, even if Diego hadn't gotten caught, I could see this move backfiring. If it's not abundantly clear already, I don't know much about heavy metal. But I feel like "heavy metal things" sometimes toe the line between masculine and feminine. For example, screaming in a high pitched voice is very metal. That's what women do. Often times band members are skinny bitches, they have long hair, multiple piercings, wear torn clothes, paint their nails, etc. Who's to say growing a fat pair of cans wouldn't be the MOST heavy metal thing Sixx could do? It might be kind of bad ass. That could have made his fiancée even more attracted to him. Who's to say what she's into? Obviously it all blew up in his face before we got to that point, but I'm not entirely sure the estrogen drugging would have accomplished what Diego hoped it would.

If I'm this band, I get back together immediately. I'm sure this is the most publicity they've ever had. Unless Llorona is way more popular than I'm giving them credit for. If so then I apologize. But if they want to make it in the music industry they need to build off this momentum. Continue booking shows. Have a few blow out fist fights on stage. Maybe Diego succeeds in seducing his fiancee one day. At their wedding, Diego stands up during the objection part of the ceremony and sings an original heavy metal ballad. "I Bleed For You" or some shit like that. Maybe it even works. The whole thing could be a reality show. They have a ton of options here. But instead Llorona just went dark. They kicked Diego out pf the band, deactivated their Instagram, and Sixx stopped taking the estrogen all together. He's even "monitoring his health" via frequent doctor visits. That's so lame. What is a doctor going to do for your manhood that cocaine and cigarettes won't?

It's a shame we didn't get to see this play out a little bit longer. I know there's more left to this story. I'll be sure keep my Consequence Heavy alerts and provide you with any and all Llorona estrogen-gate related updates.