Jerod Mayo's Stated Goal is to Have a Good Relationship With the Media. Best of Luck With That.

Maddie Meyer. Getty Images.

The Patriots held a press availability yesterday in order to introduce their 17 new coaches to the public. Which seems like an astonishing number until you consider the man they're trying to replace. Then it makes sense that you'd have to gather as many football brains as possible and try to assemble them together into a giant Voltron Belichick, and hope for the best. 

Anyway, the even went pretty much as you'd expect. Just everyone talking in the most general of generalities. Defensively, DeMarcus Covington gives off the impression that he and Jerod Mayo plan on doing business as it's been done for the eight years he's been on this staff. Which makes sense because aside from a couple of games against Buffalo in 2021, that hasn't been this team's problem for a long time. And the core of that unit will remain largely intact.

But when you haven't the first clue who's going to be under center, never mind who'll be getting the handoffs and receptions, you have no choice but to talk in abstractions. Philosophy. Vision. Approach. That sort of thing. New coordinator Alex Van Pelt sounded pretty much like he was giving us his Jerry Maguire-like mission statement. A lot of the sort of talk you'll find in a management book written by a CEO who hasn't yet gotten caught #MeTooing his female staffers, with stuff about putting players in the best positition to maximize their potential while minimizing their synergy or whatever. 

For his part, Mayo said the traits he values most are toughness and smarts. Which should alleviate fears he was looking for players who are Giza Dream Sheets-soft and dumb as a box of rocks. Which again, is the most in-depth kind of answer you can hope for right now, when everything is theoretical. Though we could've done without Mayo saying this about Van Pelt:

"Before you really get into X’s and O’s with the guys on the field, they’ve got to know that you care about them. One thing about AVP, which you guys will see here shortly, he is a people person, but also has an extensive knowledge of football.”

Not because caring about your players and having good interpersonal relations with them aren't desirable traits. They are. But just because about 97% of us can't hear the term "a people person" without immediately going here:

Again, this is all well and good. The typical vagueness you get on the first day of practically anything. Freshman orientation. The first class of the semester. Pledging a frat. Job training. A corporate seminar. Your first invitation to a Key Party. Basically anything other than Day One of boot camp. And it was all managed as well as you could reasonably hope for. 

With one exception. There's one thing Mayo said that gives me pause. And while I've never really been clear on what pause is, I know I never want to have it. And yet this part gives it to me:

Yeah, about that …

Jerod Mayo wants to be nice to the media. That in and of itself sounds nice. And it's to be expected, because Jerod Mayo seems to be genuinely nice. And the first requirement of leading a group of people is to be your authentic self. People don't respond to someone they think is putting on an act. Grown men won't go out and risk their necks for phonies. Besides, there are many people who cover the Patriots every day who are also nice. And it would be nice to treat them nice. 

But not all of them. And even the semi-nice ones won't be nice all the time. Sure, it sounds good on paper. When you're 6-2 and coming off a win heading into the bye week, it'll probably be all sunshine and rainbows. 

But we know what'll happen when you're 2-6. Dealing with injuries. Questionable decisions. Bad clock management. Failing to throw the challenge flag that could've been the deciding factor that turned an L into a W. When a guy you signed to a fat contract looks like he's halfassing it. Or someone you drafted gets caught carrying a loaded, unregistered firearm at an airport. Or of some intern at Kraft Productions inadvertently points a video camera toward an opposing sideline. See how long the niceties last once the sharks from The Boston Globe smell clickbait blood in the water and the feeding frenzy begins. 

Again, being nice is a desirable goal. If I've learned anything in my life, from Sunday School to Mister Rogers to my sainted mom, it's nice to be nice. But the most useful, practical lesson I was ever taught on the subject was from the greatest bouncer with a Philosophy degree from NYU who took over as cooler at a honkytonk in order to save a small town from a corrupt businessman who ever lived. 

"Be nice, until it's time not to be nice."

Mayo's predecessor might have taken it to extremes, but the way he was able to throw up a defensive shield around his team from the podium was one of his great talents. He protected his players and coaches. And dumped reservoirs of ice water on controversies before they could turn into fires. The media hated the way he did it, but they were powerless in his presence. And to every extent possible, that kept everyone's focus on winning. 

If this is how Mayo wants to establish a whole new approach, more power to him. Just as long as he understands they won't be reciprocating once it's in their best interest not to. For the perfect example, look no further than his predecessor's predecessor, Pete Carroll. For three years he bent himself into a pretzel trying to play ball with the jackals in the Boston press of the 1990s, which was a thousand times worse. And they ended up with chunks of Pete in their stool samples. He wanted to be the anti-Bill Parcells. Only to find out they loved the abuse they got from Tuna, because it made for good copy. He was an insult comic and they respected him for it in ways they never did Carroll. Even though he was the ultimate people person. 

So like I said in the headline, good luck to HC Mayo for this fresh approach. I just hope he understands this will only get him so far if he doesn't win and win soon.