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We All Need To Promise That We'll Never Join The Latest Trend Of Men Paying $5,000 To Make Their Nipples Look Like David Beckham's

Consider this a PSA to everyone out here with a brain. I don't care how big of a brain one has, we need to join together and promise each other never to get nipple surgery. We're talking men nipples here. First off, we don't look like David Beckham. The dude was and still is a sex icon. We are not. I know, I know. Bold of me to make such a statement, but we are usually disgusting average looking men. Paying $5,000 to get almond shape nipples ain't worth. Almonds aren't even that good. We start talking chocolate chips or some delicious food then we can have a talk about it.

Take the $5,000 and do something better with it. Get hair transplants. Pretend to use it as a gym with a trainer who talks about strong man competitions. Or, hear me out, even better use it on literally anything else that you like. Go take a trip with it solo style. Go somewhere you can blast your nips and not be ashamed they are more peanut style than almond style. 

We have it pretty good as guys. Get a little weight, you can say it's a dad bod. Get a little chubby in the face just get a beard and hide it. We can't be resorting to get nipple surgery. I won't stand for it. I promise to never, ever think about adjusting my nipples. They are what they are. You can't go around changing your nipples, Greg. I don't even know why this is a NYC trend. Beckham owns Inter Miami. If you tell me we're doing nipple surgery for Jalen Brunson, I'll hear you out. The team, the team, the team. 

Plus if we're trying to look like Beckham, can we just embrace the old fashion? 

Mark Mainz. Getty Images.

I can wear baggy track suits and sweats, even if that's worth more than my yearly salary. But enough is enough. We will not get almond shape nipples!