In Conclusion: Xbox Does Not Stop People From Going Out, It Just Pisses You Off

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Last week I decided to use my bonus check for a little science experiment, which you can read about here:

Here are my findings after the weekend…

Scientific Method:

1. Question: Do Video Games Stop People From Going Out?

2. Background Research: 90% of those who don't go out considered themselves "gamers". A term used to describe someone who plays video games all day. Although they find themselves cranking stick more than the average man, gamers do save an exponential amount of money.  

3. Hypothesis: If I buy an Xbox, then, I won't go out as much.

4. Experiment: I will play Xbox during peak going out hours (Friday-Saturday from 7-11PM). 

 Variables: 

 Independent- Playing Xbox or Going out.

 Dependent- Money Spent 

 Control- Friday through Saturday, 7-11PM.

5. Analyze Your Data and Draw a Conclusion:

In conclusion, I'm fucked. 

It doesn't matter how much I love playing FC24 on my new Xbox; it will never be enough. I am not a homebody. I love going out and drinking with my friends. There's not a video game in the world that can replicate the feeling you get when you walk up to the bar on a beautiful 55-degree sunny Saturday, and the bartender asks you what you want to drink. Sure, it's more expensive, but the ROH (return on happiness) is far greater. What sounds like more fun: Going out, laughing with your boys, trying to meet chicks, or pegging your Xbox remote at your TV because this 8-year-old in Brazil is cooking you in FC24? I REST MY CASE. FUCK YOU RoBertoMadre07, YOU RB+B SPAMMING FUCK. WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SHOT INSIDE THE BOX FOR ONCE?!?!

Fuck, I'm sorry, I just hate him. You have any idea how embarrassing it is to lose 6-0 to an 8-year-old? Money comes and goes, but losing to an 8-year-old hurts forever. This kid can't even read one full page of a Harry Potter book, but he can read my defense better than prime Messi? I have to be at LEAST 345 years old in gamer years. I'm an old washed bum who has no business playing online matches on Friday or Saturday night. Why be 345 years old when I can go out and be 24? My gaming days are behind me; might as well enjoy these partying days while I can because one day I'm going to wake up bald with 3 kids just wishing I could go back to these days.