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Need A Little Extra Cash? Apply To Live In NASA'S Mars Simulator For The Next Year!


Looking for a change of pace from your day-to-day routine? Life on Earth feeling a bit overwhelming at the moment? How about a one-year residency alongside three strangers at a 3D-printed Mars habitat simulation?

On Friday, NASA announced it is now accepting applications for the second of three missions in its ongoing Crew Health and Performance Analog (CHAPEA) experiment. For 12 months, a quartet of volunteers will reside within Mars Dune Alpha, a 1,700-square-foot residence based at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas, where they can expect to experience “resource limitations, equipment failures, communication delays, and other environmental stressors.”

Giphy Images.


So this piqued my interest, for obvious reason: you'd be getting paid real, actual money to sit around and chill in a 1700 sq ft apartment while doing absolutely nothing other than have to deal with "resource limitations, equipment failures and environmental stressors" 

Ummmm….they literally just described me and my apartment, even to the square footage. Resource limitations? LMFAO….Like, this is literally my fridge right now: 

My comcast shit out (again) last week too. That's basically a monthly event at this point. On any given day I could be sitting around watching Leroy Jenkins remixes on YouTube or some shit and BOOM…servers down. 

It's always torture when this happens. 

And get this one…Environmental stressors? Get the fuck out of my face, idiots. I'm from CHICAGO. 

Cold weather ain't shit to me. 

So if NASA is looking for someone to sit on his ass, surf the web when Comcast isn't being a cunt, and bundle up because it might get a tid bit nipply out, I'm the guy for you. Nobody does those three things better than I do - I promise that. 

Place actually does look like it'd be kinda sweet: 

I know there's some long ass application process, but I'm sure I'll be able to bypass all the clerical stuff once someone from NASA reads this blog. In fact, I'm both shocked and offended nobody from NASA has reached out to me already.