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Love Is Blind Needs a Dramatic Overhaul

As I do with all of the popular reality TV shows that my fiancée puts on our living room television, I've been loosely watching the newest season of Love Is Blind. I'd say I have a solid grasp of 60% of what's going on. Just enough that I know the characters, but not enough that I don't have to annoy the shit out of her will a million questions during every episode.

"Jesus fucking Christ if you want to know what's happening then pay attention." - Her

"Bitch, no." - Me

If you don't know the premise of Love Is Blind, it's basically just a reality TV show about blind speed dating. 15 guys and 15 girls sit on opposites sides of a wall and take turns talking to each other. The end goal is that the contestants find a compatible partner and ask them to get married without ever seeing their face. AFTER the couples are already engaged, they meet each other for the first time. If they still decided they want to be with each other, the camera crew then follows them as they move in together and decided whether or not they want to get married. The show says that they're tying to prove that "love is truly blind."

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Spoiler alert: it's not. Most of them don't make it. And even the couples who do get married have the privilege of spending a couple non-blind months together before officially getting married. In the end, it's not blind whatsoever.

But my biggest beef with the show is the way they cast it. The producers are pussies. They're cowardly with their choices. Everybody they choose for the show are roughly the same levels of attractiveness. They're all between a 6 and an 8 (for the most part). There's sometimes an outlier or two. For example, the clip on the top of this blog is the ONLY time in 6 seasons I've ever seen somebody fuck up their choice in a dramatic way. That girl is 100x hotter than who he ended up choosing. But in general, nobody ever matches with someone who is THAT much out of their league. 

Here is this year's cast if you'd like to take a look for yourself.

Clearly some people are more attractive than others. But there's nothing too egregious. They're all in the a similar boat. That's where I need the producers to grow some balls. If they want to prove love is blind, then how about you pair up a fat gamer nerd (with a great personality) with a smoking hot OnlyFans model. Let them fall in love behind a wall. If they really want to prove their stupid "love is blind" theory, which again is an incorrect theory, then put your nuts on the table and give us a cast with some real diversity. If they let me choose the contestants, the show would really pop off. Consider this my application to cast the next season of Love Is Blind. 

If I were casting the show, here are the types of people I would go with.

Regulars (4 Men, 4 Women)

You gotta have a control group. The type of people they cast in Love Is Blind right now, we need at least 4 of each gender. We can't have every contestant be some sort of crazy anomaly. But aside from that we're going to get crazy.

Aside from the regulars, we're going to go with 1 man, and 1 woman for each description. 

10/10 Gorgeous Instagram Models

First things first, you need to have your cream of the crop. One of each gender. The most ideal partner. Find two of the most perfect people you can and cast them on the show.

Very Ugly & Very Confident

You have to pull the rug out from somebody somewhere. You need to find the nicest, most personable, most charismatic, most horrifically ugly people and use them as contestants. Make them the cream of the crop personality wise. Make them 10/10's when there's a wall between them. Then watch the fireworks after the engagement when their physical appearance is revealed.

Ugly & Extremely Rich

I imagine that these people would have slightly below average personalities. But their net worth is around $10 million. They need to be personable enough that there's a chance someone proposes to them, but bad enough (and ugly enough) that their significant other will have to make a serious decision in regards to whether or not a $10 million net worth is enough to put up with a person they truly don't like for the rest of their life. 

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If their counterpart can manage to get married without signing a prenup, then more power to them. 

Super Hot & Severely in Debt

How much do they care about looks? Let's find out. If you're looking for a heart warming love story, then you should hope that the hot & broke people end up with the ugly & rich people.

Famous People

I don't know how we're going to get a personality recognizable enough to agree to do this show, but we'll do our best to cast most famous people we can. Just imagine you blindly form a relationship with some woman named Tia. Everything goes great, you make your proposal, then when she reveals herself you're like, "Holy shit you're the girl from Sister, Sister.

Amputees

We're going to put someone in a terribly awkward situation with this one. The more I get into this blog, I'm starting to realize we'll need to let our contestants know that they can't reveal ANYTHING about their physical appearance. 

Would it be beyond fucked up to allow a person to fall in love with a quadriplegic without having any idea of the type of support they'll be forced to provide for the rest of their lives? And put them in a situation where if you break up with your quadriplegic lover then you're an ableist asshole? Absolutely. But this is reality TV baby. There are no rules here. Don't sign up for Love Is Blind if you don't truly believe in the concept.

Severe Drug Addicts (Man & Woman)

This is a great one because if I know one thing about drug addicts, it's that they're not going to reveal their drug addiction until it's absolutely necessary. I've known a lot of heroin junkies in my day, and I'm not lying when I say a lot of them are great people with awesome personalities. They're just wildly addicted to drugs, and they are EXPERTS at keeping that shit hidden. Watching a junkie move in with an Instagram model and filming him as he sneaks into the bathroom to tie-off a few times a day would be incredible television. Just think about the scene where the junkie gets caught. It would be so sad, and so compelling.

Felons

We need some people with a disturbing, ideally violent past. I'm talking people who have done some super fucked up things in their lives. I'm not going to speculate on what exactly their crimes would be. You can use your own imagination for that. But these felons will fall under the same category as the drug addicts where they will keep their past hidden for as long as humanly possible. Those are the types of people we need for the new Love Is Blind. 

Outwardly Racist People

You gotta have some super racist people in there. The only problem is if they REALLY hate another race that much, he or she is probably going to bring it up in preliminary conversations. But on the off chance they fall in love with someone of their least favorite race, that would make for some fantastic drama.

Trans People

I don't mean this in offensive way at all. It would just be outstanding content. We'd leave it up to them whether or not they'd like to reveal their sexuality during the blind dating phase, after they meet, or never at all. 

People With Terminal Illnesses

This is a fun one. Whether it's stage 4 breast cancer or ALS, the surprise of marrying someone, and after they meet you being like, "Oh by the way I'm only gonna be around for another 6 months", would be the sob story the show needs to really bring it home.


Again, I realized about halfway through this that a lot of these contestants non-physical traits will be brought up naturally through their initial conversations. But I think that can be part of it. It'll be up to the contestants what they'd like to reveal to their potential lovers before meeting them face-to-face. I fully understand how fucked up this is, but once again, we're making reality TV here. There are no feelings in reality TV. 

I'm sure Love is Blind is doing just fine as it is. There's a reason they're on their 6th season. But I'd love to see them crank it up a notch. If they won't do it, then I might have to myself. Maybe I can convince Dave to fund "Love Is Blind: Viva Edition". I want to get crazy with it. That might turn into the greatest reality TV show of all time. 

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