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I'm Finna Do An Experiment: Do Video Games Stop People From Going Out?

The thumbnail I used is a golden oldie from back in the day. Every time my boys and I would walk into chemistry class, we'd all look at our teacher and say, "We finna do an experiment today, Ms. Bronson?" This was obviously confusing to her because we were white boys from the suburbs, but maybe if she had some Kodak in her life, she'd be a little more cultured. But that's a story for another day. 

I was never good at real science; in fact, if it weren't for being able to set my Apple Watch wallpaper to the answers of the test, I would have never graduated high school. Thanks, Apple! Even though I was always terrible at science, I do love to experiment, just with things that take much less brainpower.

I remember my first experiment like it was yesterday. I was helping my now-dead grandmother make dinner when I realized that if I marry an Italian woman, I'll never have to cook in my life. So why don't I try changing the world? That's when I started pouring salt on ice cubes and realized that ice melts faster if there's salt on it. So if you're ever stuck in an igloo, just pour some salt water over it, and you'll be fine. 

The experiments continued to evolve as I got older. For instance, if I eat her before we have sex, then I won't worry about having to make her cum (results still pending). I also discovered that carrying cash on you doesn't help you save money. In fact, it makes you feel as if it's not even real. "Yes, I'd like to buy that $200 bottle. The cash is already out of my bank account, so technically it's not even mine." A terrible experiment with horrible consequences.

Doucefleur. Getty Images.

I've been living my best life since I came to Chicago. I genuinely love this place with all of my heart. Aside from having the best job in the world, I feel like I live in the best city in the world. No one gives a fuck about your followers or how much money you have; the people here just want to have a good time. And if you know me, you know I love a good time, but I love having a good time just a little too much. Today we got our holiday bonuses (yes, even I got one, fuck off), and the first thing that popped into my mind was, 'How many party favors can I buy with this?' But I stopped myself and said, 'It's time for a change. No more full sending. It's time to be a man.' So I bought an Xbox.

This is my last attempt to save myself from myself. If the Xbox doesn't work, it might be time for young Smoke to knock someone up.

To be continued…