Today Was My Flu Game And I Absolutely Dominated The Free Throw Challenge

All of you recognize this grimy bastard, right?

If you don't, that's Chief (and his BF Ozzie Guillen) 

Chief, the bastard, got me sick over the weekend. Not like SICK sick, but scratchy eyes, runny nose, painful sneezing, sore shoulders/back/knees, etc. and it's a brutal time to be sick since we are kicking off our massive DK partnership and it's all hands on deck for promo streams and whatnot. #DKPartner

All good though. Decided to suck it up and tough it out. That was until Chaps, Chief, and Megan saw me sneeze (Megan said I looked like a pregnant chick convulsing) and told me to get the fuck out of the office around 5pm last night because I looked like shit and they didn't wanna catch anything. I said fine, that if they need me just call me as I live like 3 blocks from the office and can be back in less than 5 mins. 

I did warn them that as the clock struck 9:00pm, however, that I'd be consuming nighttime cold medicine to knock this thing the fuck out. 

So, I did. 

I woke up at my standard 6am like always (because I'm a machine) and saw that my athletic talents were being summoned to drill some free throws so Dave P can go back to Miami and Dan can get home to his family. Besides - the rules say that "Dave" had to take the 15th, 30th and 41st shot - not Dave Portnoy. 

Since I also am named Dave, I qualify. 

So I got up, took a PIPING hot shower to steam myself out, sacked up, and head to the office. 

It was at that moment one of the greatest athletic achievements of all time happened:

I hit a bank shot free throw sick as absolute FUCK. I'm surprised I could even lift the basketball my shoulders were so sore. 

How did I do that? Honestly, I don't have the first idea. Perseverance, for one and sheer physical strength, for two. I'm that gifted and even after 35 years of living I still surprise myself with my abilities from time to time. Thank god for said gifts though, we would have been here for MONTHS if I hadn't shown up. 

In the end though, Dave and Dan drilled their shots and my mercenary services weren't needed. Next time, though. 

Incredible. I basically willed them to victory in the 45 mins I was here. Jesus Christ I'm awesome