The Arizona Coyotes Have Become Your Friend Who Just Needs To Crash On The Couch For A Couple More Weeks While They Get Things Figured Out

Scott Taetsch. Getty Images.

Somehow the Coyotes have been in the desert for damn near 30 years at this point. But for at least 20 of those years, it seems like the team has been on the verge of being homeless. This organization has been living paycheck to paycheck for the better part of two decades, but luckily they have some enablers in their lives who keep them afloat when times get tough. 

The main enabler is Daddy Bettman. He was paying the team's bills for years until the NHL took actual ownership of the team in 2009. And even since the NHL sold the Coyotes, Gary Bettman has given this team chance after chance to figure out their shit and get their life together. 

Their arena kicked them out and the city of Glendale told the Coyotes to take a hike after they owed over a million dollars of taxes. They planned to move the team to Tempe, and the city of Tempe told the team to fuck off. Now they're playing in a college arena, and what is Gary Bettman doing about it?

Well first they put a deadline on the Coyotes to come up with a plan by the All-Star break about finding a new arena to stay in Arizona. Coyotes' owner Alex Merulo's big planned he unveiled to Bettman was just that he was certain they were going to get it done. Apparently that was enough for Daddy Bettman. 

Took him a full 30-seconds to talk himself into actually believing with Merulo told him, but he got there eventually. So the league said the Coyotes can crash on their couch for another week. But they need answers after that, and now their deadline is sometime after the Super Bowl. 

What's this grand plan going to be? What are the Coyotes going to present to the league to convince them to keep a team in Arizona despite the fact that it's been an abject failure over the last 20 years?

Intentions. They have every intention on making it work AND bringing a Stanley Cup to Arizona. 

Just like your friend told you they were going to land that job and had an apartment locked up. All they needed was just a few more days for everything to get situated, and then they'd finally be out of your hair. 

But there's never a job. There's never an apartment. Things just happen to "fall through" at the last minute. At some point not being able to catch a break turns into just not even trying. And that's where the Arizona Coyotes are now. You'd hope that Gary Bettman would finally be able to see it after everybody has been telling him this team is never going to work out in Arizona for years now. You'd hope he would finally come to his senses and realize the league needs to take over and sell the team to a new group in Salt Lake City. 

But it's also just as likely that Gary Bettman keeps pushing the deadline back for another 15 years before finally telling the team to pack their shit. So now we just sit back and watch. 

Sidenote: I just want it on the record here that I love the Coyotes staying in Arizona. Not because I think it's good for hockey, but it's at least good for drama. I'm not personally losing any money by the Coyotes continuing to fail in the desert. So I'm all for this shit dragging on as much as possible. Plus, I don't even think you're allowed to drink in Utah. I'd never want a hockey team there.