Reports Say Mike Vrabel Is Simply Too Large and Intimidating To Be An NFL Head Coach

Story of my LIFE. Been there, Vrabel. In fact it's why Dave constantly steals my glitter- I'm simply too intimidating. It's a hard knock life for guys like me and Mike Vrabel. Outsiders see us as big, strong, muscular men who deadlift cars and rip apart phone books, but insiders see us as freaks with too many veins, too deep of voices, too manly to keep under wraps. We are basically Godzilla to those front office twerps.

And it's not easy, man, Guys like me n Mike just want to get banana pancakes and a a milkshake with a sippy straw but when we walk into a restaurant they give us raw steaks and a 19 egg smoothie to wash it down with. I mean give me a break, I can't ALWAYS be so big and manly but society pressures me and sometimes it feels there's no escape.

I think Mike Vrabel has a discrimination case on his hands if he so pleases. The NFL prides itself in its non-discriminatory hiring process, but look at what teams are doing, black balling a coach because he spends too much time lifting weights. Oh sorry he's not studying the GTO analytic charts with Nerdy McNerdyboy down in Miami. If using our balls to make decisions is wrong, lock us up. And that's exactly what NFL front offices are doing to him, and to me by extent. I was wondering why I didn't get a look in any of the open jobs so far, and now I know. The NFL will be hearing from our lawyers.