Never Forget Staten Island Chuck Died For Your Sins This Day 10 Years Ago
Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and now we all get to enjoy spring by the time March Madness rolls around. Awesome. But why the hell do we trust a groundhog to predict the weather?
The tradition all started in 350 A.D. with a holiday called Candlemas, a christian holiday where the church clergy would bless and pass out candles based on how long the winter would be, then leave it up to the Germans to make something weird, they started using a hibernating hedgehog to predict when spring would arrive. When Germans moved to America they didn't have hedgehogs, so they started using groundhogs, and in 1887 Punxsutawney Phil made his first Groundhog's Day prediction at Gobbler's Knob (lol).
There is a Groundhog Club that celebrates the occasion every Feb 2, and the info on their website proves this holiday has gotten out of hand. How many Phils have there been over the years? Well, that's simple. Only one Phil, because he drinks an elixir of life every year at the club picnic held every year in September.
Phil has a wife named Phyliss, but fuck her, because she doesn't get to drink the elixir … ever. Maybe Phil is in on this? As an agreement to do the Groundhog Clubs witchcraft he gets a new wife every few years? "Please don't make me live with the same woman for the rest of my life, cycle in some new, young blood for me."
There is a chance Phil has been around for 137 years and is still a virg … sad, lonley existence for Ol Punxsutawney Phil.
Unfortunately, Staten Island Chuck doesn't get to sip on any life elixers and that was made evident when former NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio dropped Chuck on his head and Chuck died from his injuries sustained from the fall. This was such a bad publicity that de Blasio's team tried to cover up the incident and pretend it never happened. Like JFK's people trying to say Marylin Monroe OD'ed, the mayor's people tried to say Chuck wasn't dropped, he jumped. JUSTICE FOR STATE ISLAND CHUCK!
Listen to the latest episode of Twisted History podcast where we (Large, Anne, and myself) talk about the history of the light hearted topic - depression.