Fuck You, But Thank You, Patrick Mahomes, For Getting Me to The Acceptance Phase of Grief

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Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get, but then you take the cover off and see exactly what you're going to get. Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs are the cover to the box of chocolates. Sure, when you first get a $45 box of chocolates, you have no idea what's in there, but once you open it and see half of them have coconut or raspberry in them, you just want to throw it out. It's the same story every year. The offseason comes around, teams make signings and trades to fill their fan bases' hearts with hope, but at the end of the day, hope is all that it will ever be. You see, the Chiefs' playoff run wasn't just another "screw you" to Buffalo; it was a "screw you" to everyone in the AFC. The Chiefs have made it to the AFC Championship Game every year since Mahomes became the starting QB, but this time they didn't have home field advantage. They shoved their 9-inch hammer down the Dolphins' throat and kept swinging that thing all the way through Buffalo and Baltimore. Remember when this was going to be the year that the 'Chiefs fall off'? Lol, how stupid are we? Even with two bag boys and Taylor Swift, Patrick Mahomes still found his way to the Super Bowl. It doesn't matter what team signs who, or what team has home field advantage, as long as Patrick Mahomes can wake up and brush his teeth, every team is screwed.

At some point in your life, you will enter the 5 stages of grief; it's inevitable, it's part of life. Whether it's losing a loved one, a bad breakup, or supporting an NFL team that plays in the AFC, we all go through it. The first stage is denial. As a Dolphins fan, I spend so much time in this phase that I have a fast pass to every ride in the park. "Oh, Josh Allen isn't that good." "The Chiefs aren't what they used to be." The list goes on and on. Then you have anger. You're all stoolies; just take one look at Frank The Tank, and it'll tell you everything you need to know. After anger is bargaining, which is when you feel like you'd do anything to make the pain go away. For example, I once said that I would tie myself to a pole on the Dolphins' 50-yard line and light myself on fire if it meant the Dolphins would win a Super Bowl. Once you're done offering your life in exchange for your favorite team to win a Super Bowl, you enter the depression stage, which I also have a fast pass to.

And after all that, you finally hit acceptance. It's the hardest point to get to, but once you get there, you're finally at peace. I'm finally at peace with the fact that Josh Allen owns my team. I'm finally at peace with the fact that it doesn't matter what happens during the regular season; as long as Mahomes is in the playoffs, we don't have a chance. With this new mindset, I've been able to watch football the way it's supposed to be watched: like a reality TV show. You can root for your favorite characters all you want, but at the end of the day, there's always that one character who is miles ahead of everyone else. Fuck you, but also thank you, Patrick Mahomes, for showing me the bright light of acceptance.