Bill Belichick Not Having a Job in 2024 is Proof We're in a Simulation

Winslow Townson. Getty Images.

There has been a philosophical and metaphysical debate in recent years concerning nothing less than that the nature of our existence. The discussion may have begun with an article written by philosopher Nick Bostrom, who theorized that all our reality is just a simulation. Bostrom's hypothesis has been amplified by the likes of Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Elon Musk, who has stated it's statistically more likely we're living in a Matrix than we are not. 

A slightly different explanation comes from 19th century physicist Ludwig Boltzmann. Arguing against the Second Law of Thermodynamics which states all systems decay into entropy - order into disorder - he suggested that in 10 to the 10th to the 68th power (so a double exponent), all the particles in the universe will have assembled into a vast consciousness. The so-called Boltzmann Brain. And we are nothing but a figment of that brain's imagination. 

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Personally, I'm not buying any of this. My much more plausible explanation is that all of creation was created by a Creator. And it's unfolding according to His design. But if you're on the side of simulation theory and want to bolster your argument, look no further than this. Because there's no way it can be real:

Source - There is no indication Belichick is in the running for the Seattle Seahawks and Washington Commanders openings, NFL Network Insider Mike Garafolo reported.

The Seahawks and Commanders stand as the last two openings. …

Belichick … interviewed twice with the Falcons, but has received no other interview requests. …

Thusly, as Garafolo noted, it's more likely Belichick will spend the 2024 season as an analyst than as a head coach, which would mark the first season this century in which Belichick will not be a head coach.

Bill Belichick is out of work and likely to stay that way. Meanwhile fan unfavorites Mike McCarthy and Nick Sirianni still have their jobs. And unknown factors like Raheem Morris, Dan Canales and Brian Callahan jumped the line ahead of him. And neither Seattle or Washington appear to be interested at all. 

Which means the either we are in the Matrix and it's glitching. Or the Boltzmann Brain has gone completely mental. Because no universe run by a rational being could ever operate like this. These are the only explanations that make any sense.

Which leaves it to our own feeble brains to try and make sense out of any of this. For 24 years NFL teams and college programs came after anyone who had worked for Belichick in any capacity, put them positions of power, and asked them to perform his magic. Coordinators. Scouting directors. Position coaches. Player personnel types. The guy who empties his wastebaskets. His dog walker. Hell, the Houston Texans even hired his team chaplain and put him in charge of their whole operation.

Now, after all this time, they've got their first shot at the man himself, and they're hiring Morris, Canales and Callahan (no disrespect intended)? 

To me there's only one rationale that even remotely begins to explain it. It's not a good explanation. In fact, it defies logic. But then, logic has never been a big part of how the Atlanta Falcons operate:

Yahoo - The reasons? Time and power. Belichick has a short supply of one and continues to seek an abundance of the other.

That’s the takeaway from Belichick’s pair of meetings with the Falcons. … [The issue] was the element of realignment that would've needed to take place inside the Falcons to maximize a Belichick hire. While [Arthur] Blank and Belichick apparently never discussed a detailed plan of how a linear chain of command under the head coach would work, the source said meetings with Blank crystalized Belichick’s continued belief that the full scope of football operations, personnel and coaching should be under his decision-making umbrella. 

But the Falcons, like virtually every other team in the NFL, have never entertained that type of CEO/coach power structure. Embracing it under Belichick would have raised the specter of either shuffling or redefining multiple jobs within the organization — if not rebooting some parts altogether.

tl;dr: Arthur Blank continues to be an imbecile who doesn't know how to run a football operation. Probably because he's listening to the very people who would lose all their power if Belichick was brought in. Especially CEO Rich McKay:

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[H]e continues to be Blank’s most influential executive — both inside the organization and across the league. So much so that it’s not uncommon for former Falcons coaches and executives to relate McKay’s role as being a direct day-to-day extension of Blank’s authority in virtually every facet of the franchise.

McKay is Blank's Littlefinger. The one who has the ear of the king. And he's not about to cede that power. So the only advice the owner got was to pass up the greatest football mind to every break down a game film in favor of the Rams defensive coordinator. Because he's someone who can be managed and controlled, in ways Belichick will never, ever be. If the Falcons were interested in winning, they'd have gone with the obvious choice. The people making the decisions are interested in keeping their jobs, even at the expense of continued irrelevance. So they made that choice. 

As for Belichick, good for him. Why should he compromise? He doesn't give up control to you. You give control over to him. He's not going to accept some role where he has to answer to some bureaucrat with zero championships on his resume. If you want to hire him, you do it on his terms. He's a package deal. A pretty fucking successful package deal, as the ring he was probably wearing at those meetings, the Super Bowl LI one with exactly 283 diamonds on it, would indicate. 

He's better off waiting for the perfect job to come along. Somewhere where he'll get the power he deserves and the respect he's earned. Until then, he can always pass his time going from being the best coach who's ever lived into the best TV analyst who's ever lived. Giving us more content like this. The stuff that won him an Emmy:

Oooorrr … there's something else at play. I think Adam Schefter was just talking out of his ass when he suggested Andy Reid's job could open up in a few weeks:

But if it plays out this way, it would be wild. Enough to break the simulation, the great cosmic brain, or the natural universe. Until it plays out, we just have to sit and wait. 

The Lions are playing for a trip the Super Bowl and Bill Belichick is unemployed. These are strange days, indeed.