BIRDS DYSFUNCTION: Sirianni Back As HC, Ron Rivera Interviewing For DC, Jalen Hurts Gets QB 'Hit Piece' Written

Welp. That just about settles it. Nick Sirianni made the playoffs in each of his first three seasons as the Philadelphia Eagles head coach will be returning for a 4th season. Unless of course they bring Nick to a press conference that for some reason includes Howie dressed up like an executioner with a guillotine, but that won't happen. Sirianni provided Jeffrey Lurie with the minimum of verbal fellatio during their end of the season meeting and concluded the head coach was probably safe. That's nice. Everyone else? 

WHACKED. 

As for this press conference...the dysfunction will be palpable. The combo between Howie lying out of his dick and Sirianni going off on tangents that have nothing to do with football, let alone reality, will result in an astonishing amount of useless information. It's cool tho, help may be coming in form of one of the absolutely most clueless head coaches in recent history. 

Ron Rivera at least used to be a solid defensive mind. He did take over a disastrous Commanders D towards the end of last season and made them…just as disastrous. So we'll see. Obviously if the Eagles are going this route of sticking with Sirianni as HC they need major experience at coordinators. Reich, Wink, Rivera. Whatever. It all may be for naught if Jalen Hurts isn't "The Guy"…

Eagles reach the Super Bowl and start a NFL leading 10-1? Hurts is a quiet, stoic leader of men. Impressive! 

Eagles go 1-7 down the stretch in historic collapse that makes them the worst playing team in the league with Hurts reportedly having issues with the OC? Such a Prima Donna. Selfish! 

Take from these reports what you will, but obviously this team needs to get cooking again. We could very easily see the Birds back leading the NFC with Super Bowl aspirations. We could also very easily see a disaster of epic proportions with the entire future of the franchise up in the air. Is that fair? Probably not. But the way this team played down the stretch…man, we're in a very pivotal offseason for this squad. 

Now join me in cleansing the pallet with the Philly Special and Super Bowl 52 victory. God Bless. Go Birds.