Ohio's Tate Here: I Am Resigning

Ohios Tate2/01/2024 6:28 PM

Hey guys, it’s Tate. This past week has taken a huge toll on me, both physically and mentally. It’s one thing to stay up until 3:30 am ~~in the laboratory creating atomic blog bombs with the destructive power to take out all of NYC~~ in my bed writing, and then waking up at 4:30 am for basketball practice before work, but it’s a whole different ballgame to walk on eggshells at all times worrying if the fact that the career I went to college for, take very seriously, and truly enjoy is in jeopardy because my face is all over the internet now. I cannot believe that little old me was in the biggest media publications in the industry: The NY Post, Daily Mail, and a Kelly Keegs blog.

It’s been very fun to ~~snipe off coworkers one by one like I'm Chris Kyle in Iraq~~ blog like this, but in all honesty, it’s been an unfair fight. I’m not talking about the fact that I have more talent in my pinky than half of that office has in their entire bodies. I’m not talking about that fact at all. But the truth of the matter is that, and it pains me to say this, Nate is right. I am able to, in his words, “sit up in the tree tops firing missiles” at the full-time employees of this company, and they have to juggle with the internal decision to dox me and ruin not only my life, but directly affect both the lives of my twelve-year-old students and my basketball players. I truly do thank everyone that has had the ability to do that, and has not pressed the publish button.

With that being said, after weighing all my options, I am officially calling off the fight. This mental anguish and fear for what could happen at any moment is not worth it to me, so I am resigning……….

Dave may have scored the Keegs bout a 10-7 round, but he must have had my euthanizing of the company dawg as a TKO. Everyone and their mother was on the internet chirping at him to chime in on the situation, but how could he have time to do that when he was…..in my DMs:

Yes, Dave. I do want to go full-time. I want to follow in your footsteps and do what all great Big Ten graduates with Education degrees do, and that’s blog my fucking face off for the fans of this company so they can pass their time at work in enjoyment. But I had one request: I just need one more month to try and win the Ohio High School Basketball State Championship. And if Dave would’ve said no to that request, I would be writing a different resignation blog today, one from this company. I'm a Team First guy. But he is what everyone says he would be, a fair boss. We have a deal. And we are now currently in negotiations to get some video cameras over here to Ohio to make a highly anticipated sequel to The Last Dance.

I will start on March 11th (strategically picked by me, so if we lose in the Elite 8, I’ll start that Monday. If we make the Final 4….you guys can follow along). Salary has been agreed upon, and location is slated as TBD. The boss man wants to uh, weigh his options, on where my skills would be most useful to the company. I’m going to sit down and lay out my thoughts in a blog next week for you all to help contemplate, but here are my initial thoughts on the three locations in discussion:

Chicago - This is clearly the location I should go to if I want to follow the mantra of “surround yourself with successful people if you want to be a successful person”. I think even Ray Charles can see that what is happening between the two ~~rivals~~ offices. My focus will 100% be on the blog, but my other 50% I’ll give would be used to mix it up with the most talented, popular employees of this company. Again, writing will always come first, but you throw this soon-to-be uncaged brain in an office with KB and Nick, or will let me chop it up with a Brandon Walker or Jersey Jerry for content…..yes, I think that's a good idea. Just saying, if Dave wants a good return on his investment of $1, this would be the proper destination to ship me off to.

Ohio - Let me just say this: I’ve never negotiated a contract before. I’m a Union man, and I have always been paid solely by age and experience, not performance or location. So the fact that Dave and I have already agreed on a number has my parents up in arms, because they don’t know if I’ll be continuing to live in the low-cost of living great state of Ohio, or if he’s sending me to two of the most overpriced cities on the map. They keep telling me to ask him about "relocation fees". You ask him, Mom! But yes, clearly, financially speaking, I should probably be pushing for Ohio. And I will say this in terms of content: if you lock me up in my room and give me 24 hours, 7 days a week to surf the internet and come up with creative ideas, the blog will be a better place for it. Plus I just bought a house in June. I don’t hate the idea of running my own show from Ohio for the first 3-6 months until Dave sends me off to the location of his choosing, but I’m also aware that the day-to-day content comes from being in an office.

New York - I don’t want to, Dave, but that’s where I’m going, isn’t it? I’m going to sit in the corner, observing the day-to-day operations of the once lively, coveted, and proud ~~city of New York~~ Barstool New York Office, and report back not to you, but to the readers of the blog. What exactly does Marty Mush do during the day? Just refresh the page, boys. Ew, I hate this idea so much. Dave, to be clear, my rankings go: 1A. Chicago, 1B. Ohio, and however high you can count, that is the number of option I want you to choose New York.

…..but could you imagine what the first day will look like if he chooses NYC:

I'm so excited for the first ever Blog N' Rowdy, except unlike the less mental/more physical alternative, you don't have to agree to fight in this. Ugh, I cannot believe the amount of ideas I have swirling around my head, and I still going to have to do Parent/Teacher Conferences next week….

Anyways, please bare with me this next month, as I will forcibly be back to appropriately writing mostly about Ohio State and the Browns again, but let me say this: I truly cannot wait to drop the muzzle I’ve had for six years and show all of my talent. Tate Dawg is ready to bark. And that’s not to say that I’ll spend all my time surgically removing the heart and souls of my co-workers (although I stay strapped with this keyboard at all times), but I think I can show the same effort and creativity I showed in the last week in multiple other avenues that everyone will enjoy.

I’m looking forward to 2024: the year this country gets together as citizens and decides to finally: