Liam Neeson's Penis Continues To Fascinate Me

As of last week, there are 3 things I now know about the Taken actor's cock.

1.) It's been in his fair share of starlets, including...

A young Helen Mirren...

A 19-year-old Brooke Shields…

One of the most successful models of the 1970s and 1980s, who has disputably described herself as the first supermodel, Janice Dickinson…

Harry Langdon. Getty Images.

Julia Roberts…

Barbara Streisand… 

Bettmann. Getty Images.

And Sinead O'Connor (RIP)…

Not exactly the Murderer's Row you get from guys like Leo or Timberlake, but still a decent knocklist.

The next thing I know about Liam's wrench… 2.) It's huge. 

According to the aforementioned Janice Dickinson, Neeson has "the biggest penis of any man alive. He unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out."

And, finally, the third thing I just learned about Neeson's dick… 3.) It's not very good at holding in piss.

A simple Google search will tell you that this last tidbit has… for some… been common knowledge for YEARS, but somehow it's the first I've heard about it, and I was floored that this icon, who is known to have a very particular set of skills.  Skills he acquired over a very long career. Skills that make him a nightmare for people like Albanian kidnappers… And apparently whoever does his laundry… This skillful agent can't stay dry.

And it isn't a little dribble… We've all neglected to shake it enough and had to walk sheepishly out of a Men's Room with the front of our shirt pulled down over some "spotting"… But Liam seems to just let it rip, and then proudly walks around with the equivalent of a Rob Roy spilled onto his lap.

Michael Ochs Archives. Getty Images.

(Neeson as Rob Roy MacGregor in the 1995 movie, Rob Roy.)

Maybe Peeson's inability to hold it in is the result of some physical malady (I certainly hope not.).  Or perhaps, it's a simple case that big dicks leak more than, say, ones that are my size (average).

Either way, Neeson's enormous hog is once again on my radar… Hopefully for the last time.  Otherwise, I might be turning a little gay for the Irish superstar.  And me being gay isn't a good thing because I also have a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired after working with Joey and Pat.  Skills that make me a nightmare for homophobes.  If Neeson stops putting his cock in the headlines, that'll be the end of it.  I will not look for him.  I will not pursue him.  But if he doesn't, I will look for Liam Neeson, I will find Liam Neeson, and I will suck the skin off of Liam Neeson's damp dick. 

Take a report.

-Large