A Patriots Fan's List of Demands
[Note that this was from a few years ago when they were renovating Gillette to make room for the fifth banner. So they were rebuilding in order to make way for future success, you see. That sort of visual metaphor is what separates me from the regular journos. That's the Old Balls Difference.]
Let me begin by objecting to my own word choice in the headline. "Demands" are something you make when you're holding hostages after a bank robbery gone terribly wrong. Or what even more morally corrupt Ivy League trust fund babies make when they want accidentally misgendering someone considered a capital crime, while openly calling for Holocaust II: The Contextualizing to be declared an intramural sport covered under Title IX. But to be fair to me (which I always am), "Wish List" is what kids put together ahead of Christmas. And I'd get less traction if I'd said, "Polite Requests." Whereas "demand" is a good, solid buzzword. A call to action that produces clicks. So thanks for the pageviews.
With all that as preamble, let's get to what I'm looking for at the dawn of The Jerod Mayo Era:
No Clown Shows
We've all seen the kinds of coaches and executives who read their reviews. By that I mean, who care how they're received by the media and fans. So they play up to the cameras. Try to come up with clever, memorable witticisms. Or bend over backwards to sound profound. Or go out of their way to demonstrate they're tough, non-nonsense hardos. Football seems to particularly draw those kinds of personalities, but it's not the only sport. Just look back to Rick Pitino's time in Boston. Or how much arcane jargon about arm angles and release points John Farrell used to use to explain every pitching change. In football, I'm thinking about your Rex Ryan types, who invested a lot of time and effort to be the best Wednesday coach in the league, while Sundays rarely worked out for him. And Pats fans of a certain age will remember how Ron Meyer used to spit out cheesy aphorisms like "Proper planning prevents poor performance" to distract from the fact he once physically ran away and hid from John Hannah who caught him in a lie and wanted to kill him. All the new leadership has to do is be their authentic selves and respect from the fans will be theirs. What we loved about Bill Belichick, besides the success, was that every single utterance he made was designed for one purpose: To keep the focus on winning. There was no other agenda. If the media and the rest of the world hated him for it was irrelevant. Be nice to these people. Treat them like hot garbage. We won't care. Just be yourselves and not some fake image you're trying to project and everything will be fine.
The GM and Coach Need to be a Package Deal
To use the way, way overused Bill Parcells analogy, the guy who shops for the groceries and the guy who cooks with them need to be part of a set. Like a sofa and loveseat. Towels. Dinnerware. Tools. (And as I list these, I realize I'm creating a Family Feud category. Which begs the question: Has anyone actually ever been part of one of their surveys? By now they should've talked to every person in America, but I've never met one. Now back to the post.) For 24 years, our GM and HC have been the same person, and I'll argue it worked out great. Until it didn't. It's perfectly fine to have two separate humans doing those superhuman jobs. But they have to be of one mind. Here's an example I like to cite. Going into 2012, the Vikings had a good, young, Pro Bowl tight end in Kyle Rudolph. But the front office went out and signed John Carlson from the Seahawks anyway. And presented him as a gift to the coaching staff, because two tight offenses were starting to become a thing. Until the coaches explained that their offense ran through Adrian Peterson, who was most effective running behind a fullback. So when were two tight ends going to be on the field at the same time? The answer was never. Carlson rotted away and barely saw action, with just 8 receptions in 14 games. A total waste of resources. And Pats fans don't have to be old enough to remember Ron Meyer to recall how dysfunctional it was here in the late '90s when Pete Carroll was hired to work under Bobby Grier. At cross purposes, I'll add. When things were going south, Grier publicly put the blame on the coaches, insisting he'd given them plenty enough talent to work with. Thereby guaranteeing he'd be fired at the end '99 along with Carroll, because what coach with options would agree to work for anyone who handles his business like that? Whoever works above Mayo has to work with him. And vice versa. They need to be like that jar of Smuckers that had the peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Only not horrible like that trash is.
We Need a New Offensive System
I've mentioned this in various posts, many times. But by no means do I intend to shut up about it. The Erhardt-Perkins system has served us well. So did the Saturn V rocket that sent men to the moon, but they still mothballed it eventually. And the problem with the scheme the Pats have been running since Charlie Weis pulled the playbook out of his moving box in 2000 is that it's even more high maintanence than the Apollo rockets. When it's working, there's none better. It's an awe inspiring sight that slips the surly bonds of Earth and touches the face of God. When it doesn't, it's Apollo 13. It's clever how it reduces complex plays that read like computer code in other schemes to just a few terms. F-Right 72 Ghost/Tosser. Gun Right Brown 74 Hoss-X Follow. Everything from the protection scheme to the route combos all in just a few syllables. But problem is, not everyone can speak the language. And unless everyone can, the moon rocket becomes a bloody contraption that one one can fly because they can't read the manual. You're supposed to run this route against man, this one against zone. This option if the defender is on this shoulder, but stem it off the other way if he's on the opposite shoulder. So we end up with quarterbacks doing exaggerated arm gestures as they come off the rield because they're seeing one thing and their targets are seeing another. That is, when they can get the ball away because pass rushers coming in unblocked due to the same overly complex rules. Complexity can be a good thing. Look at the success Kyle Shanahan has had in San Francisco with a handful of different signal callers despite all the motions and shifts he employs. Because however his concepts are packaged, coached and practiced, his guys can execute it without having to understand quantum mechanics. I want one of those.
No More Shopping in the Discount Store for Offensive Linemen
Offensive line was a glaring need on this team for the past two years. This past year, the most glaring need was tackle. Highly regarded tackles were available in the draft. Most notably Broderick Jones, who was sitting waiting to be taken when it came to New England's pick at 14. Instead Belichick traded down, went defense with his first three picks, and ignored the position altogether. Then opted for Dollar General off-brand tackles for the franchise on a budget. Reilly Reiff. Conor McDermott. Vederian Lowe. Does anyone else remember the Calvin Anderson era? You don't have to get a tackle with the No. 3 pick. And goodness knows this team has a tradition of finding very good interior linemen in the sweet spot around the 4th round. But it can't be neglected another season. At the very least, we need next Matt Light or Sebastian Vollmer Round 2 home run. To do anything less would be dereliction of duty.
The Roster Needs to Make More Sense
I'm still astonished that the Pats still haven't made a concerted effort to replace James White, who retired two summers ago. This offense always ran through an elite slot receiver and a 3rd down back. Demario Douglas may very well be the former. No one on the roster is positioned to be the latter. They went through the better part of the season with just two running backs. When Rhamondre Stevenson went down, they replaced him with Kevin Harris, who was yet another RB - like Stevenson and Damien Harris before him - who languished on the practice squad as a rookie. Wasted seasons for guys drafted at a position where careers are short as it is. Meanwhile they carried a ton of offensive lineman, a rotating Cha-Cha line of ineffective receivers. And one position group that was grossly over-represented. To which I bring you …
Stop Having So Many Special Team Specialists
The idea of dedicating roster spots to Core-4 special teamers looks pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay genius when it's working. When they're making a difference, giving you a competitive advantage, flipping the field, and winning you games. When you've got one of the worst units in the league and you're 4-13, it's maddening. Ask your average Pats fan to recount for you one play that Chris Board made all season. We all should be able to, because he took 406 snaps. As did Brendan Schooler. Matthew Slater belongs in the Hall of Fame. But his 377 ST-only snaps were a luxury a bad team can't afford. Mack Wilson added 312, but at least he contributes on defense as well. Going forward, keep a long snapper, a kicker, a punter, and Schooler. But train him up as a goal line defender, the way they did Nate Ebner. Mostly just recognize that the NFL has deemphasized special teams and get with the times. And while we're at it, fire whoever gave a passing draft grade to Chad Ryland. He's like the movie critic who have a good review to Pixels. Which leads me to:
No More Reaches in the Draft
The drafting of special teamers brings me to this. I get that the professional draft guru class and the mock draft sites don't have it right. Not often. Probably not ever. But I'm done with off-the-wall, way-too-early selections no one could've possibly seen coming when they did. To put a name and some faces to it, I don't want to see this reaction ever again:
Not just Cole Strange. But the kickers who would still be available on the final day, if not as UDFAs. A guy with limited athleticism like Dalton Keene going 101st, when you'd find him listed in "Other names" box in your draft publications. Tavon Wilson, whom they spent the 48th pick on while I was at a party with two dozen hardcore Pats draft fanatics, and not a single one of us had ever heard his or could find him mentioned in any draft guide. Again, that sort of game is cute when it produces some hidden gem. But under the new regime, I'd rather take my hits and misses going with the conventional wisdom than with the unconventional irrationality.
None of this seems to big an ask. Just meet all my demands and this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.