PLAYOFF WEEK FUN: Jalen Hurts Hasn't Thrown A Football Since Dislocating Finger On His Throwing Hand
Christ on all crackers. Some All may say the Philadelphia Eagles are in complete shambles right now heading into the playoffs. And those all may be correct. At 1-5, the Eagles have the 2nd worst record in the league over the last 6 games (s/o Commanders for the ultimate suck). But don't worry, they've also given up the most points in the NFL over that time. The offense runs the same predictable plays over and over and over again. The defense went from being a Top 10 powerhouse with the #1 run D in the game while sack lunching at every opportunity to legit one of the worst defenses in Eagles history - All in a half a season, mind you. AJ Brown is questionable with his knee. DeVonta Smith is uncertain and not practicing. In the already sharty secondary, Reed Blankenship is questionable with a groin injury and Sydney Brown is officially out...
Oh, and QB1's middle flipper on his throwing hand is still in shambles as he isn't even attempting to chuck a football. Cool beans! Oh well. It's only playoff week. Why would you need the starting QB to throw or even grip a football during practice heading into the postseason? Exactly. You don't. Not when you're apparently "Playing Possum". Tell 'em OchoCinco and your comically large railroad baron cigar!
That would be awesome if it were this reality, but somehow I feel we're a few zillion multiverses off. This team is currently a MESS. Physically. Mentally. Schematically. Spiritually. Sexually. The vibes are off in every single way at the moment. Can it change? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe go fuck yourself. All I know is this team was once 10-1 on the cusp of another Super Bowl run and things have gotten so bad, so fast that Nick Sirianni should be absolutely be on the hot seat. Think about that. The man made a Super Bowl last year in his 2nd season and might be done the following year. The batshit luck combined with incompetence is astonishing. And judging by Dallas Goedert's comments about how they cooled down after clinching a playoff birth, the Eagles don't deserve anything until they stop talking about it and start being about it. And it can be done. All it'll take is a few creative TD drives mixed in with some sacks and turnovers on D to get the fans flaunting unconditional (and consensual) Green Wood once again.
We shall see. Or not. Just please, Eagles, either start giving us pleasure again or simply end the pain. Glory or mercy. Nothing in-between. Go Birds.