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WebMD’s Parent Company Sent A Weird Ass Video To Its Employees Asking Them To Return To The Office That Ended With "We Mean Business, Don't Mess With Us"

First off let me make it very clear that I do not want any beef with WebMD. I know all it takes is one visit to their website with a couple of relatively minor symptoms to convince yourself that you have contracted a rare combination of tuberculosis, polio, and feline AIDS.

Despite all that, we can all agree that their video is patently absurd, right? I'm lucky enough to do most of my work remotely thanks to a house North of The Wall and two kids that I have to drop off/pick up from school. Yet even I was offended by that video. 

I mean I get if a company wants to see the employees it pays in the office again now that COVID-19 is in the rearview of everyone except Jimmy Kimmel and Aaron Rodgers and knew remote work was on its way out once Zoom sold out by demanding its employees to start showing up to their HQ. But you can't lead your video off with the CEO of the company then follow it up with fancy-titled executives. The last thing workers want to see is the people with the bigger paychecks and lesser workloads telling them they can't show up to work in our underwear anymore.

Actually I take that back. The last thing workers want to see is a bunch of their coworkers awkwardly dancing around since those are the people they will be stuck in an office again with in between the life-draining commute that was left behind in 2020. Speaking of which, it should be against the law to use a song with good vibes like "Iko Iko" for a corporate video let alone one telling people they need to get back into their personal cubicle hells. That beautiful melody should only be used with the backdrop of a beach or when a beautiful mind is counting cards in a casino.

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I won't even criticize the "We mean business, don't mess with us" sign off because that tells it like it is. Show up to work in the cubes you thought you left behind or look for a new job without a reference (my words, not theirs). It's straight forward, concise, and doesn't require Alan from accounting to act like he's enjoying doing the mamba.

h/t FDC