Dry January Isn't Hard, It Just Needed To Be Updated

Life is all about evolution. Before we had cars, we rode horses. Before we had electricity, we had candles. Before we had vapes, we had cigs. What I'm getting at here is things are always changing to make life easier. Remember when everyone thought the BlackBerry keyboard was life changing? Now, we have touch screens. 

Dry January doesn't need to be this hard. It's time to update the format. If you are a legit alcoholic and drink every day, this upgrade isn't for you. You might want to hit up JJ instead and see if he's got a friends and family promo. However, if you're just a weekend warrior, this update is for you. Dry January doesn't need to be completely dry, just not as wet. The new Dry January allows us to go out and have a couple casuals. 

This new Dry January will give weekend warriors a two drink limit. You no longer have to go to the bar and order a soda. You can order either two beers, two glasses of wine, or two cocktails.  No one gets drunk of two drinks. If you do, you're probably not old enough to be at the bar anyway. People will do a Dry January and start drinking Coke like it's a better substitute. I'm not a doctor, nor am I a genius, but I'd go out on a limb and say it's healthier to have two drinks in a day than 2 Cokes. As long as you're not drunk, or drinking to the point where you need to buy stuff to keep you awake, you're good. Dry January isn't hard, it just needed to be modified. 

Everyday, millions of Americans are eliminated from Dry January just because they had a single cocktail. Well, I'm here to tell you, that is no longer the case. By passing this new update, millions of Americans will be allowed to re-enroll in Dry January and continue their fight against irresponsible drinking.

Thank You,

President Smokes