Full disclosure, I wrote this blog a couple weeks ago. Took me way too long to write. In the end it was so stupid and long that I was afraid to publish it. But fuck it. I wrote the thing so here it is. Enjoy (or don't).
I learned that Micky Mouse had become public domain from Jerry Thornton's blog the other week (posted above). Nowadays, if you want to make a movie or show that features Mickey Mouse's likeness, you're entitled to do so. You have the right to make Mickey Mouse do whatever the hell you want him to. People have apparently known this was coming, because as soon as it became official, 3 trailers for Micky Mouse themed slasher films immediately dropped.
I'm sure these murderous Mickey Mouse films are going to be great. I have the highest of expectations. But quite frankly, that idea is lazy. Anybody can make a Mickey Mouse slasher film. All you need is a group of teens, some dark lighting, and a man in a distorted Mickey Mouse mask who hangs out in the shadows with a bloody cleaver.
Here are 50 original (not really) ideas for Mickey Mouse themed movies. Feel free to make any of them. I only ask for 50% of the profits.
1. Young Mickey Mouse grows up to be an exceptional baseball talent. He's one of the top major league prospects. But nobody wants to play with a mouse. They think mice don't belong in baseball. Think Jackie Robinson in '42', but with a mouse.
2. Mickey Mouse hasn't paid his taxes in half a decade, so he infiltrates the IRS, gets hired on as an agent, learns the system inside and out, and figures out how to eradicate his own tax debt.
3. Mickey Mouse is a scientist. He dedicates his life to figuring out a way for mouse/human hybrids like himself to breed with regular humans. He wants to create a slightly more human version of himself. His plan is to create one super race. Everyone will be part mouse.
4. Thoughtful drama where a young Mickey Mouse tries his best to understand both sides of the Israel-Palestine conflict. Learns a lot about the word. Learns even more about himself.
5. Mockumentary where Mickey Mouse is a door-to-door knives salesman who gets himself into wacky shenanigans while visiting customers. If your familiar with the show 'High Maintenance', it would be a little bit like that.
6. Mickey Mouse is a new hero in the Marvel Universe .
7. Mickey Mouse moves to a cheap apartment in New York City that has a serious rat problem. Has major internal conflict regarding what to do about it.
8. Mickey Mouse goes undercover as a young woman to infiltrate and bust up a human trafficking ring.
9. Mickey Mouse is sick and tired of being a mouse and undergoes species reassignment surgery.
10. Stupid indie film where Mickey Mouse goes to college, nothing exciting happens, it's just Mickey having a normal college experience. Everyone will call it the greatest film of all time.
11. A complete rip of off a regular Disney kids movie. Mickey Mouse is regular Mickey Mouse, but all of the other characters are obvious knockoffs of Mickey's non-public domain Disney friends, (Saturn The Dog, Mandy Mouse, Goofsly, etc.)
12. Mickey Mouse creates the newest hit cryptocurrency called Mickcoin. He makes billions of dollars. He buys the Carolina Panthers and moves them to Orlando. Renames them the Orlando Mickeys. But the power gets to his head. Micky starts hanging out with rich elites and ends up on Jeffrey Epstein's flight logs. Goes to prison and "kills himself".
13. Mickey Mouse becomes the face of a new brand of vape that is reportedly "safe for kids". But all of the sudden, kids lungs start exploding. Mickey becomes the focal point of a massive trial.
14. Mickey Mouse tries to find his biological parents so he can learn his medical history. He wants to make sure he's not high risk for any particular diseases. He comes to realize that he doesn't have parents, and was made in a lab by Walt Disney. So he finds where Walt Disney is frozen so he can unfreeze him and ask him questions. He eventually finds him and sets him out in the sun to thaw. But obviously when he unfreezes him, Walt Disney's stiff dead corpse collapses onto the floor. Mickey falls to his knees and cries. 10 years later when Mickey turns 40, he get's a colonoscopy and learns that he has late stage prostate cancer. If only he had gotten a colonoscopy earlier in life. Then doctors would have caught it. It would have been easily curable. But now it's too late, and Mickey only has months to live.
15. Mickey Mouse gets hired by Barstool Sports. He bets against Dave and ruins the vibes of the gambling cave.
16. Period piece sometime between the end of slavery and the start of the civil rights movement. Nobody knows what race to lump Mickey Mouse in with. Some people think he's a black man doing white face, others think he's a white man with black hair over his ears.
17. Mickey Mouse is a fringe NBA player who gets arrested on gun charges and is kicked out of the league. He's forced to go play in the Russian Pro League to make ends meet. When he arrives in Russia he's stopped at airport security and they find a weed cartridge in his bag. Mickey is sent to prison. While there, Mickey starts a prison basketball league that slowly gains popularity throughout Russia. Eventually, Putin comes to watch a game. After the game Mickey meets with Putin on the court and earns his freedom by teaching him how to do the perfect crossover. But Mickey ultimately declines the offer. He has too much invested in his Russian prison basketball league, and can't bring himself to abandon his new friends.
18. Mexican Mickey Mouse illegally crosses the boarder on one of Joe Biden's shuttle busses and is dropped off in New York City. He builds an army of illegal immigrants and overthrows the United States government
19. Mickey Mouse is an international business man who goes to China for a conference. Has a hooker to his hotel room. Hooker overdoses on drugs and Mickey has to hide the body.
20. Crime drama where Mickey is a crooked cop alongside his partner Ice T. They learn that there's a rat in their inner circle who tells the police chief that there are dirty cops in his precinct. The twist in the end is that Mickey Mouse was the rat all along. It should have been obvious.
21. Mickey Mouse is a shoe shiner at a fancy hotel and one of his customers leaves a briefcase full of cash behind. The man never comes to retrieve it. He spends the whole movie trying to hunt him down to return the money. Eventually he finds him, but the man is so rich he doesn't even give a shit. He just says thank you and shuts the door in his face. Mickey is disappointed, but in the end can hold his head high because he knows in his heart he did the right thing.
22. Mickey Mouse dreams of becoming a Hibachi Chef, but he can't get a job anywhere because he's not Japanese. Decides to go to an interview with his eyes taped back. The man interviewing him is extremely offended. He takes a picture of Mickey being racist and blasts it out on social media. Mickey is cancelled.
23. Young Mickey gets his pants pulled down by a bully on the playground and everybody sees he doesn't have a penis
24. Mickey Mouse trains athletes for the World's Strongest Man competition. To save his gym from failing he starts secretly mixing in steroids with his client's supplements. His athletes start winning competitions left and right. Mickey becomes the #1 strong man trainer in the world. Until eventually, all of his guys get popped for steroids. Mickey receives a lifetime ban and a lengthy prison sentence.
25. Mickey promises a group of fans on the internet that he'll stream himself golfing until he hits a hole-in-one.
26. Mickey Mouse leaves his death metal garage band after someone tells him he has the voice to be world class opera singer. Every makes fun of him. Until they hear him sing. At the end of the movie, he re-joins his death metal band for one last show, but instead of playing their songs, Mickey sings opera and brings the crowd death metal fans to tears.
27. Buddy comedy where Mickey Mouse walks-on to the Akron Zips basketball team. LeBron James comes to talk to the team one day and the two of them hit it off. Mickey ends up befriending LeBron and starts sitting courtside at games. Him and LeBron get themselves into different wacky situations over the course of the season
28. Mickey Mouse works at a lab in Wuhan, China and is responsible for the Covid-19 epidemic
29. Mickey Mouse gets AIDS and starts a buyer's club.
30. Mickey Mouse's nudes get leaked in a fappening situation and he parlays it into becoming the #1 bestiality porn star in the world
31. Mickey Mouse has more money than he knows what to do with so he stars sending emails to random people that say he's a Nigerian Prince who needs their help. He promises to wire them a large sum of money if they provide him with their bank info. The twist is he actually does wire people money. Word gets out that some of the Nigerian Prince emails are actually legit. Causes mass confusion across the country. Every time someone received a Nigerian Prince email, they have to decide if providing their bank account information is worth the risk.
32. Mickey Mouse signs up for an experimental trial where they pay him $1,500 to have some undisclosed testing done. When he leaves the lab he's turned straight.
33. Mickey Mouse regrets starting a list of 50 dumbass movie ideas but gets in too deep to stop
34. The Westboro Baptist Church learns about Mickey Mouse's existence. They think he's an abomination to god. They protest outside his home and make his life hell.
35. Mickey Mouse works as a marriage counselor who falls in love with one of his clients. He starts giving them terrible marriage advice that will make them break up so he can swoop in and take the man's wife for himself
36. Mickey Mouse builds a homemade submarine out of parts he ordered online to explore the wreckage of the Titanic
37. Social outcast Mickey Mouse drops out of school to become a full time Madden streamer. After beating some kid 56-0, the kid SWAT's his house. Whole ass SWAT team shows up. But instead of stepping outside and explaining the situation, Mickey goes into his basement where he has a massive arsenal of automatic weapons. Movie turns into an action packed shootout between Mickey Mouse and the police.
38. Mickey Mouse learns how to make counterfeit bills and sells them on the dark web. They're prefect fakes. They pass the pen test and everything. He sells $20k bundles for $10k, washes all the money through a phony "personal training" business. Makes millions of dollars, buys a mansion, a bunch of cars, dates the hottest women, and gets away with everything.
39. On the last day of Mickey Mouse's senior year of high school he apprehends a school shooter before anybody gets hurt.
40. Mickey joins the Rollin' 40's Crips of South Central Los Angeles in order to get his rap career off the ground. Ends up making a fire mixtape. But just as his career is finally about to take off he gets arrested. The prosecution uses lyrics from his mixtape to tie him to a series of murders that he definitely did. Mickey gets life in prison.
41. Mickey Mouse gets a job at the front desk of a planned parenthood in a small Texas town that is very much pro-life. Finds himself in the center of the abortion debate.
42. Mickey Mouse storms the Capitol on January 6th
43. On a mission trip in South America Mickey Mouse is captured by an indigenous tribe. He convinces them that he's a god so they don't slow roast him over a fire like a pig.
44. Mickey Mouse abandons his morbidly obese, poverty stricken mother and learning disabled brother. He goes on to live a normal life. But one day he sees his mother and brother on TV. They won $1.4 Billion in the lottery. Mickey tries to go reconnect with them but his mom won't have it. He abandoned them when they needed him most. Micky doesn't get a dime.
45. Jigsaw catches Mickey Mouse in a giant mousetrap and forces him to do inexplicable things if he wants to escape (I'm running out of ideas)
46. The year is 2039 and Mickey Mouse is hand selected by Elon Musk to be one of a select group of people sent to colonize Mars.
47. Homeless Mickey Mouse (22 years old, 6'5", 265lbs) lies about his age and enrolls in high school. He joins the football team and starts at defensive end. He falls in love with student. Before he heads off to college, he decides to tell his girlfriend his age secret. She doesn't know what to do. She still loves Mickey, but she also loves the law. In the end, she turns him in to the police. His football career and his life are both ruined.
48. Mickey Mouse goes on the run after assassinating the President of the United States
49. Drama based on a true story where Mickey Mouse plays Gypsy Rose Blanchard's boyfriend (the one she hired to kill her abusive mother)
50. Mickey Mouse is elected President of Harvard following Claudine Gay's termination. He puts all of their money towards turning Harvard into a powerhouse D1 football program. 10 years later, Harvard beats Alabama to win the National Championship.