My New Year's Resolution On Becoming The Best Sports Statistics Comedy Blogger On The Planet
If you don't know who I am then this blog is for you. Especially if you love content on wild/sad/obscure or otherwise irreverent sports stats.
I've been blogging for Barstool part-time for a little over a year and - at this point - have been a pretty regular Pardon My Take fun stat contributer. My schtick is combining a real-world skill in data analytics programming to utilize solely for the sake of sports comedy. And doing so in a timely, relevant fashion. Like the racing bar graph above I made on every 4th of July Hot Dog Eating contestant since the 90s. Shoutout to everyone on that graph (including last place).
Speaking of talking dog - I even broke down the historical weinerlytics with this boxplot dressed up as a patent pending hot dog and bun graph to show the scientific distribution of hot dogs eaten by contestants by year. This is called science.
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If you read my NFL weekly Sad Stats blogs you already know the deal. If not, here's a quick reel of the uselessness I specialize in providing. For instance, leave it to three Pardon My Take team representations to share the lead for most consecutive failed third downs of the season (19). Somehow the Bears got spared in this one.
And not to kick PFT when he's down but I haven't heard anyone point out how absurd this graph of team's last shutouts is.
Reminds me when you're at a red light and a pack of road bikes whiz by all clumped together. You sit there as a few more stragglers go by. And just when you think it's been long enough, you pull out and almost hit the struggling guy squiggling like a newborn giraffe trying to run out of the womb as it's mom is chased by a pack of hyenas.
You get the gist.
You've heard the ole "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life". Right now that's only part-time true for me. That's a start, but it's on me to take it to the next level. It's on me to continue to build a base of obscure sports stats connoisseurs - perhaps like yourself - so I'm putting my own feet to the fire here to lay out my 2024 goals.
These goals are all dirty work behind the scenes but they'll fuel the content you'll see. I focused on becomming better at webscraping in 2023 and feel I'm at a point where I can start putting the petal to the metal in procuring a ridiculous amount of data to have at hand. Not just for blogs - but for Twitter sessions so my fans (holies) can ask me ridiculous questions I can answer. Maybe even start doing some Twitter Spaces sessions for sad teams to come together and cope next football season. We'll seee.
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Here's a rundown of my data procurement goals for the sports I plan to have at hand in 2024 for content.
NFL
1. Every game result in NFL history including spread / moneyline where available (done)
2. Every NFL play since 1999 when play-by-play data was made available (done)
3. Every score of every game in NFL history including what quarter it was scored and game time where available (working on the code)
4. Player basic stats at the game-level for every game in NFL history including rushing/passing/receiving/defensive/kicking/returning
5. Player advanced stats at the game level since whenever they started tracking it including things like aDot, player drops, poor throws, times blitzed, and a slew of other random shit that could make good content fodder
6. Full coach challenge history (done)
7. Full ref game assignment so we know who to blame when convenient (priority)
Fantasy Football
1. Fantasy football ESPN player weekly start and roster percentage (aleady doing)
2. Player Wins Above Replacement (WAR) - a stat I created and the one actual smart thing I've actually done (been doing for a few years now)
NBA
1. NBA game results since 1946 (done)
2. Every NBA play since the early 2000s. This includes shot coordinate, type of shot, ejections, pretty much everything except ball/rim wedgies - sorry Jake Marsh (done)
3. Every player basic box score for every NBA GAME since 1946 including starters/bench and plus/minus where available (in progress)
4. Every player advanced box score since available (1983-84 to current)
NCAA BBALL
1. Every D1 school play-by-play of the season for at least the 2023-24 season (coming soon)
2. Every game result for the NCAA Tournament (coming soon)
3. Every game result for every D1 school ever (long-term to do aka we'll see if we get there)
HOT DOG CONTEST
1. Work with Major League Eating to obtain all availalble 4th of July hot dog eating data from years past (done - just wanted to brag)
2. Mess around with other Major League Eating contest data (on the long-term to-do list)
MLB
Hand up - baseball's on my backburner for now but who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself and pull box score game histories for every game every played to get started. But that will be a MASSIVE operation. No promises.
That's a realstic path I think for 2024. Golf and tennis majors might be a 2025 goal and we'll see what else.
Lot of work to do to become the best obscure stats sports blogger on the planet including somehow convincing Jon Bois to retire. (Just kidding I would NEVER). But that's my New Year's Resolution which if I'm being honest I've been working towards for months already anyway.
But I need YOU!
Step into the stathole. Save me as a blogger on your Barstool app and follow me on Twitter below. Come for the links to all my blogs. Tail me in some fun bets (EX: Pistons +100,000 to lose their final 53 games). Mute for all the 6/10 jokes I make in the moment during ongoing games.
Appreciate you all! Here's to whatever 2024 has in store.