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UCF Had To Release a Statement Clarifying That an Asshole in a Viral Disney World Video Does Not, in Fact, Play Football for the Knights

When I saw this statement with no idea what UCF was referring to, I thought something truly terrible had happened. You don't release a one-sentence, black square statement on social media unless you really need to distance yourself from something. I went looking for what I was sure was going to be something awful.

As it turns out, it was just some asshole and his pals in line for Soarin' at Disney World who claimed he played football at UCF. I would have never seen this video had the school not found it worthy of a response, but now they've blown this up into a much bigger deal than it would have been otherwise.

That video is maybe the least worthy thing of a statement I've ever seen. If UCF wanted to clarify anything in this situation, it should be that nobody from its football program — or any self-respecting Orlando local — would waste cutting in a line on Soarin'. If this was at a good ride in Magic Kingdom, maybe you think about saying something.

Also, is, "I play football at UCF," a worse flex if it's true or untrue? it's a really weird thing to pull out in that situation either way, but I think bragging about being on a 6-6 football team would almost be worse if it was true. To this schmuck, playing college football anywhere still seems like what you'd say so people know you're one of the cool kids.

I feel like Georgia Tech +4.5 might have to be the play of Bowl Season now that UCF is worrying about random TikTok videos instead of the game. And win or lose, UCF's final score graphic from the Gasparilla Bowl needs to be in this statement's template.