Investigative Journalism: Did This Hockey Announcer Ejaculate Into His Pants After This Goal?
I've watched a lot of hockey in my life. We've been fortunate enough to live in a time where we've witnessed some of the nastiest goals to ever occur in the history of the game. Goals like Ovechkin scoring from his back come to mind. Rick Nash making a complete mockery out of the Phoenix Coyotes. Maxim Afinogenov's cue the highlight reel. Anything that Pavel Datsyuk has ever done. Turns out the Russians are pretty filthy.
So many goals that leave your jaw hanging on the floor. But unfortunately, I don't recall watching any goal that caused me to involuntarily ejaculate. Or, in science terms, nut my pants. I know it's possible to achieve a "hands free orgasm". I'm just not one of the lucky ones to ever receive such a surprise. But this announcer calling a game in the Manitoba Junior Hockey League? Well he might have a different story.
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All I'm saying is that if you listened to that audio without any video, you would 100% believe you're listening to some dude getting his nut off. "He splits the deeeee, ohhhhh ohh what's he gonna do, ohhh, he SHOOTS IT ROOF DADDY, ohhhhhh ahhhhh look at that, look at this, look at that". That combination of words in that exact sequence? They don't come out of anybody's mouth unless there is semen coming out of their hog. Plain and simple.
Final verdict: Yes. This goal did cause the announcer to ejaculate into his slacks.