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The NFL Needs To Ban Teams Signing Converted Soccer Players As Kickers

Cooper Neill. Getty Images.

The only reason the Dallas Cowboys beat the brakes off the Eagles last night is because those sons of bitches went out and hired some dork who spent his whole life playing soccer to kick field goals for them. Well that plus the fact that Dak Prescott and the Cowboys offense took Sean Desai's abysmal defense to the wood shed. And the fact that the Eagles offense committed 3 egregious turnovers, all from their biggest stars, and couldn't get into the endzone. Mike McCarthy coached circles around Nick Sirianni. AJ Brown and DeVonta Smith were dropping balls like Agholor and Reagor out there. The Eagles looks like total dog shit all night. 

But mostly because the Cowboys have a soccer player on their team. And what did that soccer player go out and do last night?

He's 30 for 30 on the season. He was 4 for 4 last night with makes from 45, 50, 59 and 60. That's a combined 214 yards of the field that Dallas didn't have to drive, and they picked up 12 points for it. Over 2 full fields worth of field goals.

Clearly Brandon Aubrey is giving the Cowboys an unfair advantage. That's not football. I mean…technically speaking, it's the most football aspect in the game of football. But football is meant to be played with your hands. It's meant to be airing that shit down the field with reckless abandon and having a receiver come up with some insane immaculate catch. If I wanted to watch some skinny little nerd kick the shit out of a ball, I'd just watch soccer. But that's what the Dallas Cowboys are trying to turn football into. They're out here winning games on the back of soccer plays. 

You take away those 214-yards worth of field goals that Aubrey made last night, you have AJ Brown and DeVonta Smith catch those clear touchdown passes they drop, and give the Eagles back those fumbles? Eagles win that game by 50 last night. But instead, the biggest game of the week--potentially the season--was decided by a soccer player. Roger Goodell needs to do something about it.