St. Patrick's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hoodies, Crewnecks, Hats, FlagsSHOP NOW

The Saddest NFL Stats of Week 13 You Didn't Know

Justin Berl. Getty Images.

Welcome to NFL sad stats Week 13. Whether you're looking to bathe in the shame of your fandom or a sicko looking down at the riff raf from your ivory tower of occasional competence, this blog aims to find a few under the radar sad stats you can casually toss around while commiserating at the bar during these cold dark times. Let's get to it. 

Sad Stat #1: Steelers fans endured the longest game of the season (4 hours and 17 minutes) to soak in pure misery in just about every way possible

It had to be absolute hell for Steelers fans in attendance. Just a total sad cornucopia of sad events. Let's start with the fact that they were never really competitive in this game vs a 2-10 joke of a team. Actually no. Let's start with the backdrop of euphoria this fanbase must have felt after their elite defense was unleashed from the shackles of one of the worst offensive minds in the game. And one game removed finally putting the offense together to gain 400 yards and look like an actual team; not just the Iowa of the NFL. 

Then Kenny Pickett goes down. Hard not to feel for the fans. These poor saps had to exit their sad seats holding their sad soaked yellow towels inside for a storm delay not just once, but twice. And it's for that reason this game stands above all else this season in actual game time length. Below is a histogram illustrating the normal curve of real time it takes for a game with this one being the major outlier. 42 minutes longer than the next longest game of 2023. 

The stands looked bleak after the delays but kudos to the true sad fans who stuck it to endure the pain out of pure principle. 

Sad Stat #2: The Washington Commanders max win percentage in the second half was .6 percent

The Commanders single best point in time in the second half from a win percentage perspective gave them a little bit better than a 1 in 200 chance to win the game. If you watched that game you might be thinking "that's actually not that bad. I thought it might be worse". But when you consider the Eagles best second half point in time was over 17 percent that sorta puts things in perspective. 

BONUS PARDON MY TAKE SUCKFEST TEAM SUB STAT: The only team with a worse second half best win percentage was the Chicago Bears vs the Chiefs (.4%).

Sad Stat #3: The Commanders secondary might be trash

The Dolphins toasted the Commanders on two deep bomb touchdown passes Sunday on what some say is one of the worst secondaries in football. I looked at how many touchdowns teams gave up this year at various distances and, yeah, not looking amazing for the Commies. They've given up 13 touchdowns of 30+ yards - tops by a mile - as the Falcons are next worst at seven. And at 40+ yards the Commies have allowed eight vs the Falcons and Browns with four. Doesn't get much better with 50+ yarders either as they've allowed seven with the Browns next worst with only three. That is some sort of redistribution plan for the Commies.

Sad Stat #4: Sam Howell is one pick six away from tying Matt Shaub's four games in a row with a pick six streak

Not gonna lie - the Commies bailed me out too with all this material for Week 13. I sent these last two Commie cookies to PFT for the Sunday show. The fact remains that the last quarterback to throw a pick-six in three consecutive games won the Super Bowl that very year (Matt Stafford in 2021). And given what we just covered on how putrid the Commanders secondary is I guess you can't blame Howell for taking more risks. Anyway, something to look out for to see if Howell can match Schaub. 

Sad Stat #5: Mike McCarthy evidently thinks it's easier to have a 2nd and 19 than 3rd and 7

No one probably remembers this since Dallas ended up winning anyway on Thursday Night, but they did something I can't recall anyone ever doing before. With plenty of game left the Seahawks offense committed a penalty on a play that ended up with them having 3rd and 7. Had the Cowboys accepted the penalty, it would have been 2nd and 19. But McCarthy engaged the "end of half timeout management" lobe of his brain and decided to decline. The implication is that McCarthy thought giving 12 yards on a down was worth it.  

But just to make sure I'm not talking shit without backing it up, I crushed every 2nd and 19 and every 3rd and 7 since 1999. Out of 1,291 2nd and 19's, 273 converted (17%). 2,699 3rd and sevens have been converted out of 12,546 (21%). 

Sad Stat #6: Alec Pierce finally ended his 700+ snap count without scoring a touchdown

Above are the wide receivers with the most snap counts through Sunday of Week 13. I had already covered Alec Pierce on this earlier this season but I figured I'd give him a quick graduation party as he finally scored. Just a bizarre situation especially given that the Colts have been one of the better scoring teams this season. 

That's it for Week 13. 

- Jeffro (@statholesports)

Got a sad stat tip? DM me @statholesports

Catch up on last Weeks NFL Sad Stats Week 12: