The Worst Hematoma I Have Seen In A Long Time

First off, hematomas often look a lot worse than they feel.

By definition, they are just bad bruises where blood collects and pools under the skin. And that pooling blood gives the skin a spongy, rubbery, lumpy feel. They are not usually a cause for concern when compared to something fatal, such as a blood clot in a vein... And if any doctors are reading this who disagree with what I just wrote, keep it to yourself... I am doing my best.

Even though I am talking them down, hematomas look fucking awful... Particularly when they are on a fighter's head.  One of the worst I have ever seen was Hassim Rahman's second forehead after his loss to Evander Holyfield...

Al Bello. Getty Images.

(You could easily put a small baseball cap on that thing.)

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And the absolute worst was UFC's Joanna Jedrzejczyk looking like The Great Gazoo after the Polish fighter suffered a painful defeat to Weili Zhang in 2020…

Harry How. Getty Images.

Here's a picture of Gazoo for reference…

But this weekend was also one of the worst I have ever witnessed live.

BYB is the extreme bare-knuckle boxing league, and their fights are typically savage.  They don't fight in a square ring. Nor do they battle in an octagon. Instead, these sick fucks duke it out in a tiny triangular-shaped platform that creates three tight 60-degree corners for fighters to get trapped in and then get bludgeoned by their opponent.

And that is kind of what happened this weekend when a young man named Julio Tanori took down Mark Irwin by majority decision to become the BYB Lightweight Champ… 

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Mark walked out of the ring looking like the fucking Elephant Man.

Here is a sketch of The Elephant Man for reference…

Historical. Getty Images.

Bare-knuckle is built to inflict damage like this, which is why I never enjoyed watching Paige VanZant's adorable face get pounded in…

Alex Menendez. Getty Images.

Paige eventually came to her senses when she walked away from fighting and walked towards OnlyFans, where people won't see her physically box but might get a glimpse at her actual box…

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I don't think Mark Irwin has that option… I certainly wouldn't pay a monthly nut to see both of his… But hopefully, with some cold compresses and rest, he'll be back to fighting shape in no time.

Speedy recovery, and take a report.

-Large

While I have you here… This Friday, I am expecting to see multiple hematomas when I am ringside for Gillie & Wallo's Knockout Party… 

Hope to see you there because I am fucking terrified.

TAR

-L