The Pop Tarts Bowl Will Feature The First Ever Edible Mascot, Which Means It's Now The Most Important Game Of Bowl Season

(Source)- The winning team of the upcoming Pop-Tarts® Bowl will go home with far more than just bragging rights and a Championship Trophy; they can also expect a belly full of the first-ever Edible Mascot. Because when Pop-Tarts® tackles College Football, no rituals are safe.  

"For sixty years, Pop-Tarts has sacrificed everything in the name of Crazy Good flavor, so why wouldn't that include our beloved Football Mascot, too?" said Heidi Ray, Senior Director of Marketing, Pop-Tarts. "Since we announced our title sponsorship of the Pop-Tarts Bowl, fans have been speculating on the larger-than-life game day experiences we will be tackling, and this is the first of many traditions that fans can expect Pop-Tarts to upend on game day."

The 2023 Pop-Tarts® Bowl airs live on ESPN December 28 at 5:45 p.m. ET. The post-season showdown will unfold as representatives from the Atlantic Coast and Big 12 conferences face off at Camping World Stadium in Orlando.

I'm not sure if this is the primal caveman in me, the snack-obsessed fat guy in me, or just a sick fuck that has seen way too much weird shit on the internet. But I need to not only watch a Pop Tart mascot get eaten alive. If that means I have to sit through two middling teams from the ACC and Big 12 play football for a few hours during that fever dream of a week in between Christmas and New Years, so be it.

To be clear, I don't want to see a human sized Pop Tart with some googly eyes get eaten. I want to watch a Pop Tart that is living with a face, family, and feelings get consumed by a bunch of hungry football players that just endured battle on the gridiron for three hours. Again, I don't know if those are the sick thoughts of someone that loves food or someone that may not be thinking right after plugging merch being 20% off for the last 100+ hours. But I do know out of all the money grab bowl games sponsored by a random corporation featuring two football teams that have no business playing after November, I will be tuned the fuck into ESPN to see what goes down at Camping World Stadium on December 28th. Hell, I may even fly down to Orlando if it means I can devour that overgrown pastry myself as his strawberry filling covers my face like I'm Khaleesi proving her worth to the Dothraki.

Okay that got dark but I stand by it. 

Also while we are taking stands about Pop Tarts, I do think they need to trim down all the flavors in their section because it's gotten absurd. You can't be in the breakfast aisle if 90% of your flavors are straight up desserts. I'm not saying we need to go back to the old days where there are three flavors without any frosting on top. But a man's got to have a code and so does a breakfast brand. Either move that shit to the cookies/cakes aisle or cut back on the cookie dough, brownie batter, ice cream sundae offerings. 

P.S. I feel like when it comes to being a Pop Tart Person, you are either a Strawberry Frosted fan or Brown Sugar fan. I'm Strawberry For Life, even though I respect what Brown Sugar did for the game. I also stand by that Pop Tarts and Eggo combining forces was like Kevin Durant joining the Warriors.