FAKE NEWS: Uncle Chaps Is Trying To Tell Us We Can't Cum In Outer Space

Every day we saunter into the office and make our way to our unassigned yet assigned seating arrangements. I typically pony up next to Donnie Does, Chief and Uncle Chaps.

Over the last handful of days, Uncle Chaps had been coming in HOT with fun facts. We're talking facts on facts on facts. Facts about earth, animals, space, politics, etc. It's a great little 9am pick-me-up before our creative genius dominates the internet throughout the remainder of the work day. 

Today wasn't one of those days, though. Today Uncle Chaps had the gall to mosey on into the office claiming that I couldn't cum in outer space. What the fuck Uncle Chaps?  

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There is NO CHANCE that's true. Zero. Zilch. Nada. None. I could come anywhere and everywhere, if I were so inclined and you could too. In fact, I've came twice since I've started writing this blog. I just refuse to believe that Neil Armstrong didn't let one fly on the moon. Or that Alan Shepherd didn't blast a 5 roper all over some ancient edition of Playboy while on an Apollo mission. Or that Buzz Aldrin didn't try to lead planet earth like it was running a slant route, hitting it right in the hands with a big ol' glob of jizz. 

I'll even go as far as saying it'd have been treasonous for them not to. 

He even decided to spread that misinformation to million of people via www.barstoolsports.com and I, for one, will not stand for that fake ass fucking news. Is Uncle Chaps kidding me with this shit? I don't care that "science" tells me I can't cum in outer space. I'll never believe it. Fauci himself probably sponsored the entire study. And the lab rats that couldn't cum? Please, as if that's supposed to scare me. Lab rats are remorons…that's why they're lab rats. 

Fuck outta my face Chaps.