Man Accidentally Take A Nasty Dump On A Dead Opossum And Apparently That Shit Is Against The Law

On Wednesday, November 15, 2023, Clearwater Police arrested a 45-year-old homeless man, Robert Wilcox, near the intersection of Belcher Road and Willow Tree Trail. Wilcox faces charges related to an incident involving exposure and indecent behavior.

At approximately 5:23 pm, Officer Frost of the Clearwater Police Department observed Wilcox near the location as mentioned above. Specifically, Wilcox was witnessed defecating on a deceased opossum with his pants lowered and his anal region exposed. This act occurred in full view of the motoring public during busy traffic hours.

Sometimes the laws of the land can be a little outrageous. I dont know if youve taken a look around the country and retail establishments but there is simply no place to use the restroom. Sure, you could go into a hospital, hotel lobby, or church but those things arent all over the place. 

Just last week I was out at a record store with some of my pals. I was looking through the used vinyls and coming across some pretty, pretty good albums. Just as I was tucking Neil Young's Live from Carringee Hall record right underneath the ole arm, a feeling of heavy gut came across my body in a flash. I had to put the album down and clinch walk to the counter. You guessed it. Diarrhea again.

"Excuse me, beloved. Is there a restroom where I can drop off some acid here?"

"No. We don't have a public restroom. Try the bookshop next door."

No bathroom there. No bathroom at the thrift store. No bathroom at the gas station. 

My friends, there was almost an international incident on our hands and on the floor tbh. 

Because of that experience, I understand what Bob was going through. Truth be known, sometimes we all have to take a shit. Robert is homeless so where was he supposed to go? Businesses frown and refuse to let the unhoused use the restroom and that poop has gotta come out. So, Robert did what any other person in that situation would do. He shit. 

Now, I don't want people to get the wrong idea. Robert should not have pooped on that possum. He shouldn't have. Let me be clear; he shouldn't have. But where else was he supposed to go if not the chest of North America's only native marsupial? Answer that and I'll say that his arrest was justified. 

Robert Wilcox was subsequently booked into the Pinellas County jail, where he will await further legal proceedings related to the charges of “Exposure of Sexual Organs,” a 1st-degree Misdemeanor.

He wasn't dildoing his ass so he shouldn't have been charged with exposure of sexual organs. He was taking a shit. Charge him for pooping on a dead possum if you can find the legal statute, but leave his asshole alone. 

Aquit.