With Open AI Employees Threatening To Quit In Solidarity With Sam Altman, Do We Quit If Dave Is Ever (Hypothetically) Fired?
JOEL SAGET. Getty Images.This whole Sam Altman saga over at Open AI/Microsoft has really tugged on the heartstrings. Imagine being such a popular boss that when the board kicks you to the curb, 738 of your 770 employees threaten to walk out? That's a 96% loyalty rate! Brings a tear to the eye. Not sure what happened to those last 32 but I'd love to see Altman get hired back and immediately fire those self-serving Benedict Cumberbitches. Sorry you righteous turncoats are too worried about AI's "existential threat to humanity" to stand by our dear founding father. Now pack your fish tanks and dust off those resumes! Word has it Yelp is hiring
It made me think about what I'd do if Dave were ever somehow given marching orders. Clearly that won't happen given that he owns the company himself. But hypothetically, if Barstool had a board? (Does Barstool have a board?) And that board thought to tell Dave he was no longer fit to rule? You're goddamn right I'd be marching out that door hot on his heels. "Where to, boss?" I'd query, ready for our next adventure. Just as Renée Zellweger leapt faithfully to follow Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire, so too will I jump ship should our captain be forced to walk the plank.
But where to, exactly? What's next for us? I suppose Dave and I hadn't thought that far ahead. I see us heading for lunch first to discuss ideas. Everyone knows that new futures are best manifested over tuna sandwiches and steamy bowls of soup. Any diner will do, as we're on a budget now. Next to me in the booth are various knickknacks that couldn't be left: Dave's revenge champagne bottles, that strange painting he seems to love, and perhaps a few personalized jerseys from guys like Julian Edelman—just enough flair to decorate the blank canvas of our new space.
We'll go through his rolodex and mine to test the waters. The key is not to jump at the first opportunity. Of course we're both carrying resentment for how things ended, so the idea of joining on with another outfit that holds power over us isn't appealing in the slightest. If we're to work for anyone but ourselves, it will need to be a match made in heaven.
But maybe we've been too cautious; maybe the chip on our shoulders has set us back. For now, only a few months in, the doubts start to take seed. It's natural in this desolate landscape, but we don't have that perspective yet. We bicker, and our bickering soon casts a curtain of silence over us; better to stew than boil. Where before, we'd unwrap our bagels with gusto and tease each other over t-shirt stains, mussy hair, and bleary eyes reddened from benders and bong rips, now a wedge drives us ever apart. Mornings are chilly—literally and figuratively—as we've cut back on heat to save on our utility bills. Pretty soon, we aren't even saying goodbye in the evenings.
Then one day, Dave confronts me:
"A little birdy told me you asked for your old job back at Barstool."
I take a minute to respond, gathering my thoughts.
"I was just catching up with some friends," I defer.
"Not what I heard," he says, biting down on a mouthful of stale chips.
"Oh yeah?" I turn to face him now. "What exactly did you hear?"
"I heard you're throwing me under the bus, saying we have no leads, telling them we're fucked," his voice rising now. This has been a long time coming.
"We are fucked!" my voice catches. "I followed you to the end of the earth. And we found it!" I fight back tears.
"I told you, the night is darkest before the dawn!" He invokes Harvey Dent, trying to find footing as we've watched The Dark Knight Rises countless times on Movie Tuesdays together.
"I just—I just don't know anymore," I say, looking away. My face burns with shame.
"Fine."
"Fine? That's it?"
"Fine," he finishes.
And that is it. He closes his laptop, coils his computer charger, shoulders his bag, and heads out. I turn back to my game of minesweeper but the numbers blur and I hit a mine.
I guess the point is that while it's noble for these Open AI employees to show such strong allegiance to their leader, I hope it works out for them. Apparently Microsoft has said it would be willing to hire every single employee who wants to come over. Sam Altman must have quite a brain.
PS- has anyone mentioned how lovely the interim CEO (since replaced by a second interim CEO) Mira Murati is? Dearness goodness. Picking up notes of Natalie Portman and Queen Rania of Jordan. Fall in love like you read about:
