The Browns Have Signed Super Bowl Champion Joe Flacco To Win Them A Super Bowl

I'll take one (1) Lombardi Trophy, please. 

And the best part about that sentence is that I'm not even joking. I've been talking about the Browns winning a Super Bowl since I started at Barstool over 5 years ago, and the little fishies that click on it take the bait every single time. They paddle their little fins down to the comment section to say NO CHANCE! The Browns STINK! You're an IDIOT! Well guess what you little guppies, close those little gills of yours and keep your negative thoughts to yourselves. Because this Browns team IS going to win the Super Bowl this year. And the signing of Joe Flacco just confirmed it.

Disagree? Let me enlighten you. You have an AFC North team with an elite defense, a great running game, an excellent head coach, and a game manager QB. The last time we had that combination, the NFL season ended like this:

Christian Petersen. Getty Images.

Add on the fact that Flacco has a 91% winning percentage (10-1 all time) in Cleveland and I'm legitimately thrilled with this signing. And to those of you wondering if Dorian Thompson-Robinson can hold off Flacco for the starting job, let me educate you once again. The answer is No. In what fucking world would Joe Flacco come out of retirement to be the backup QB behind a rookie….? The early report is that he'll be in a "mentor role", but if you believe that, then I have a Nigerian prince that wants to Venmo you $1,000,000 if you'll just send him a couple grand to sail his way to a bank. The fact of the matter is that Andrew Berry told this man he'll be the starter, and the only question now is when. Does he start in Denver this weekend? I hope so. It don't take much studying of the playbook to hand it off to the right, hand it off to the left, and bide your time until Myles Garrett nearly murders the other QB (again) until he fumbles and gives us great field position to score.

I'm really looking forward to this. I can already see it now. The Browns will be playing the Ravens in the AFC Championship game to go to the Super Bowl. And we'll have the QB advantage…..