Surviving Barstool | Ep. 4 Premiere Now StreamingWATCH ON DEMAND

Myles Garrett And His Big Ol' Dick Shut Small-Hands Kenny Pickett And The Steelers Down As The Browns Move To 7-3

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES????? No Deshaun Watson, no Nick Chubb, no Jack Conklin.......NO PROBLEM! The fact of the matter is that this Browns defense is so dominate, so elite, so historic, and so fucking good that it doesn't matter who is lining up on the other side of the ball for us right now. As long as our Offense doesn't lose the game, our Defense will win the game. 

I don't care that we were playing dopey Kenny Pickett and his little hands today. I get it, he stinks and he's got a small dick. But you can ask Joe Burrow and his 3 points about the worst performance he's ever had in his career. And then you can ask the 49ers about their first loss of the season. And ask the Cardinals about that donut we gave them, or the Titans about their lonely field goal. And ask amar Jackson about the L we handed him last week. And now you can ask Mike Tomlin about what his plans for mid January are because these motherfuckers ain't making the playoffs. But you know who is? The 7-3 Browns!!!!!

Serious question: did TJ Watt even play today? I know who did play though: Myles Garrett, his 2 sacks, and that big 'ol hog he's got hung on him under them grey sweatpants:

Sheeeeesh. Not sure what's more impressive: that tree trunk or his league leading 11 sacks. And it begs the question: at what point does he and his 14 incher enter the MVP debate?

Anyways, I'll address a few things:

1. Dorian Thompson-Robinson: THANK YOU. You deserved to cry happy tears on that sideline after today's game like you did. You're a rookie that everyone wants to replace, and all you did was start the game 13 of 16 and finish 4 for 4 on a game-winning drive. Did you have a rough middle? Absolutely. But you WON THE GAME. 

2. I still think we need to bring in a different QB. Give me Joe Flacco. Give me Matt Ryan. Give me Tommy Brady. Give me Cam Newton. I just don't think we can count on holding the other team to 10 points every single game. I want a veteran that can manage us to about 20, and then I have no doubt Myles and the boys will hold them under that.

3. Build the Dustin Hopkins statue NOW. Two weeks in a row at the buzzer? You motherfuckers that like to say the Deshaun Watson acquisition was the "worst trade in NFL history", but you better follow it up by admitting that the Dustin Hopkins trade was hands down the best trade in NFL history. For a 2025 7th round pick......? High way robbery. 

3. Karma never loses an address.

Cheering for a season ending injury of another player? The Football Gods were not going to reward that today. Instead they chose to reward the team that had their star RB in the house despite being out for the year, their QB1 in the house despite being out for the year, and their long time announcer coming back to the radio booth after battling leukemia. 

Good things happen to good people, like me. My God is it great to be a winner. Does anyone have it better than me right now? Buckeyes are 11-0. Browns are 7-3. And we're both heading to the playoffs!!!!

4. We are on to Denver. I cannot believe through all of the shit we've gone through this season, we're 7-3, tied in the loss column for 1st in the AFC North, and sitting very pretty to at least make the Wild Card. Give me a week of Kevin Stefanski preparation, a veteran QB, and Myles Garrett in a bubble boy boy so he's safe. Let's go kick the shit out of Sean Payton and the Broncos.