For better or for worse, the world of competitive chess will forever be linked to the act of shoving a vibrating plug up your ass. That's all thanks to a scandal that rocked the chess world last year after chess grandmaster Magnus Carlsen alleged that his opponent, Hans Niemann, used anal beads to defeat him in a match.
For most people out there, it's probably the most you've ever heard about competitive chess. And now every time you hear about chess, your mind immediately goes to the anal beads.
But we're over a year removed from that incident at this point. Since then we've seen more allegations, categorical denials, $100,000,000 lawsuits, and that lawsuit eventually being thrown out. The situation has more or less been resolved. At the very least, it's been put to bed. But one question still remains--if Hans Niemann actually did use anal beads to cheat his way to victory over Magnus Carlsen, how exactly would that even work? The logistics of the whole thing still just provided so many more questions than answers.
Fortunately for the rest of us, two YouTubers took it upon themselves to get to the bottom of this one. They put their money where their prostate is and put the allegations to the test. The results, much like the vibrations, are shocking.
First of all, it's just great to see investigative journalism alive and well. We live in a day and age where most journalists don't give a shit about the facts anymore. All they care about is their agenda, and shoving that agenda down your throat as quickly as possible. Why would you investigate anything if you can just write a story based on lies, have it proven to be false, and then suffer no consequences for getting it wrong?
Not these two, however. They're here to do the dirty work. They're willing to strap on their boots, lube up their assholes, and get to work. And because of their due diligence, we finally know just how real of a possibility it would be to use anal beads to cheat in chess. I mean if this bloke could beat a grandmaster on his first try, an actual chess player could have had the whole process perfected with just a few weeks of training. This has to be a lock for a Pulitzer Prize.
Sidenote: You think Al Gore had all this in mind when he invented the internet?