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Pray For Dave: A Plane Dumped 6,000 Gallons Of Fuel Over Nantucket Because A Horse Got Loose On Board


Well this fucking rules. It has everything you want in a story- private planes, loose horses, and fucking up the environment directly over Dave's new $42 million house. By the way, I don't think we talk nearly enough about that. Dude bought the most expensive house in the history of Massachusetts. Do you ever stop and think about how crazy that is? $42 million for a house where it's warm 3 months out of the year. I can't wait to buy a house of my own. Once my equity kicks in, which should be any day now, I am so excited to buy a house and stop living in shitty NYC apartments next to meth heads and crack dealers. I'll get a home out in the burbs, get myself a dog, mow my own lawn, the whole 9 yards. It'll probably just be a couple more weeks for the lawyers to get the paperwork together, but I feel my payday and new home are coming any minute now.

But I digress, what a fucking story! They were flying this horse from NYC to the Elmer's factory in Belgium, and motherfucker got loose. Good for him, not going down without a fight. And I suppose he was a rambunctious fella to the point they had to turn the plane around to get him back under control. But in order to do that, they had to shed 6,000 gallons of jet fuel. Right over ol' Davey P's house!

Nantucket - "We have live animal, horse on board the airplane. And the horse managed to escape the stall. We don't have a problem as of flying wise but we need to return, return back to New York. We cannot get the horse back secured."Cape Air founder Dan Wolf explained to WCAI that the fuel dump was necessary because landings require less weight than takeoffs, and so the aircraft needed to shed its fuel to return to JFK just 90 minutes into its flight. Flying at an altitude of 22,000 feet, Wolf said, was high enough for the fuel to evaporate and minimize potential environmental impacts. 

"That amount of jet fuel in the atmosphere is not a good thing, but the quantity is not significant enough to have a major impact," Wolf told WCAI.


I gotta hand it to Cape Air founder Dan Wolf here. Dumping 6,000 gallons of fuel and saying "nah, it doesn't hurt the environment" is akin to the old Phillip Morris executives testifying to congress that cigarettes are actually good for you. Look, I'm no aviation expert nor have I studied climate change, but I know as a fact 6,000 gallons of jetfuel is nothing to bat an eye at. But you know what, I'm just going to take Dan Wolf's word for it. If he says 2 tons of fuel can't melt steal beams damage Dave's house, I have no choice but to believe him. But when Dave shows up to work next week with a weird tan, receding hairline, inverted knees, floppy tits, and 5'6, we'll know it was because of the jet fuel in the water. Wait, he's still in his Miami house right now? Well...anyway.