Please Join Me In This Support Group For Gabe Davis Fantasy Football Managers
This tweet blew up yesterday and I was surprised to see how many others out there have been hurt as bad as I have by the most toxic fantasy player of the last two years. That made me realize we Gabe Davis rehabbers need a support group so we can finally quit him for good for really really real this time. Others will call us idiots for ever believing he was going to be something based on one insane playoff game. And while I'm not here to say such others are wrong, I am here to lead this support group with the goal of freeing ourselves once and for all.
Everyone find a chair in the circle. This is the trust zone. We'll take turns telling our truths; but first, everyone take out your phone, open your team app, BENCH Gabe Davis, and put your phone back in your pocket. That's step 1. Feels good, right? We are taking back the power. And after we share our tales we'll gather the strength to drop him together.
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I'll start. Here's my story. The truth is I've spent years being attracted to problem wide receivers.
Wooed by his "flash", Josh Gordon would have quit weed before I quit Josh Gordon. This lasted for years. Wherever he would go I would follow. No lengths were too far. I traveled coast to coast from New England to Seattle without hesitation and even gave the small town farmlands of Missouri a try.
I forgot to mention Antonio Brown above too. One of the happiest days of my fantasy life outside of winning my home league and earning a Yahoo Diamond 99 percentile status (nbd) was the day the Patriots acquired him. The amount of player notification updates I would recieve in the ensuing weeks would leave me unaware of other players on my team who were injured. It was basically a DDoS attack on my team updates.
Then there was Will Fuller. He would start 2019 with four absolute piles of crap before going off for 39.7 on everyone's bench in Week 5. That would go down as the highest scoring wide receiver output of the entire season.
I'll never forgive him for that game he dropped three surefire touchdowns combining for over 100 yards. Except that I did and kept starting him.
Along came Gabe. The spectucular playoff game vs the Chiefs put butterflies in my stomach. The first five weeks of 2022 were tough so I benched him for Week 6. This Week 6:
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As we know, this behavior is the same in 2023 as it was in 2022. You invite him to the crib to hang out and he sits around doing nothing but weighing you down. You get mad at him for it and tell him you don't want him over again and he goes off smashing without you like he did vs Pittsburgh above. He's the weasal of all weasals.
As the Troll of the Year graph shows, we trusted him the most in Week 9 and he gave us a goose egg. Over 40% of leagues suffered this absolutely obvious fate. But Week 10 is day 1 of sobriety. We can do this. NO MONDAY NIGHT "U UP?" TEXTS! I know it's hard and I know how easy it is to fall back into the same trap.
For instance, the Dolphins, Eagles and Rams are on bye so no Hill, Waddle, Brown, Smith, Puka or Kupp. We can't even opt for some bland Rice from KC either to ease the stomach. Plus the Bills are playing Denver Monday night. The team that gave up 70 points this season (mouth starts to froth). Try not to think about the obvious draw that since Davis was terrible last week that usually means we all bench him and he'll blow up. We can… we can do this!
gets up, pulls out phone and slowly backs towards door
Who's next? I need to step out for a second.
- Jeffro