The Twisted History Podcast Is Fucking Back And Drafting The Greatest Canadians

Twisted History is back in a big way with a 2 hour episode all about the fucked up shit Canada has been up to over the years. The whole gang is back to talk everything from the Goler Klan aka the most incest family in Canadian history (gross), abductions and murders on The Highway of Tears, Canada's most prolific serial killer who fed his victims to pigs and used a dildo as a gun silencer, and to cap it all off we draft our favorite Canadians ...

You can't call this the Mount Rushmore of Canadians while leaving off some massive names like The Great One - Wayne Gretzky, Alex Trebek, or Jim Carrey. The draft ended up being our personal favorite friendly neighbors to the north. The podcast has been on hiatus for 5 months, I guess we were just excited to be in a room talking into a microphone. 

Host 1: Anne Host 2: Large Host 3: Vibbs

Round 1 - Pick 1: Dr. Sue Johanson

Weirdly a step above watching scrambled porn on HBO was listening to this old lady talk about sex education. Sue taking calls from random strangers asking off-the-wall questions like "Can I put Hershey's syrup in my pussy?" gave 13 year old me so many strange late night boners. #1 overall in the Canadian draft is insane, but that's the effect Dr. Johanson has on people. 

Round 1 - Pick 2: Terry Fox 

The creator of the Marathon for Hope -  a literal cross country marathon to raise money for cancer research. Fox ran 3,339 miles across Canada on an amputated leg, which united the entire country. Since the start of the race in 1980, the foundation has raised over $850 million for cancer research. Fox was a normal guy who did extraordinary things, and is worthy of a first round pick.

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Round 1 - Pick 3: Mike Meyers  

Jim Carrey would be a more well rounded Canadian comedian to take over Myers, but I just wanted a chance to talk about the Austin Powers movies on the podcast. Not to mention Waynes World and Shrek. Fucking, Shrek! 

Round 2 - Pick 4: Keanu Reeves

Not only is he a great Canadian, but you could argue Reeves is one of the greatest people on the planet. The movie Speed alone could hold its own against anyone's body of work. Horrible actor, Great Canadian. 

Round 2 - Pick 5: Francis Pegahmagabow 

Not only was he the most decorated indigenous Canadian solider in the history of Canada, Pegahmagabow was the most effective military sniper in WWI earning him the most badass nickname of all time - Ghost of the Trenches. For nickname alone this man deserves to be on the list. 

Round 2 - Pick 6: Ryan Gosling 

Ry Gos > Ryan Reynolds. Gosling is an incredible actor with incredible comedic timing. Compared to Gosling, Reynolds is half the actor and a one trick sarcasm pony when it comes to his comedic work. Both a great, but Gosling is head and shoulders above Reynolds as a great Canadian.

Round 3 - Pick 7: Dr. Frances McGill  

Nicknamed the Sherlock of Saskatchewan, Dr. McGill was a female forensic pathologist that made huge advancements for the way we use DNA evidence to solve crimes. If a Grandma became a superhero, McGill is what it would look like.  

Round 3 - Pick 8: Sir Frederick Banting 

Banting is a great Canadian doctor who discovered the cure for diabetes, which makes him an honorary great American. Thanks to this man we can ingest more sugar than ever without going into a diabetic coma. 

Round 3 - Pick 9: Steve Nash 

This is where I could have picked Wayne Gretzky and won the entire draft, but ball is life, not puck. A 5'8'' white dude dominating the NBA and becoming a two time MVP? I suppose that's equal to Gretzky's 9 MVPs? Watching Nash and Phoenix Suns back in the early 2000's ruled, and it's a damn shame they couldn't get past the Spurs in the west. 

Round 4 - Pick 10: Céline Dion

A Canadian Hit Factory. Queen of the power ballad. Celine has done more hits than former Toronto mayor Rob Ford, so to pick her up in Round 4 is incredible value. I'm more of a Shania Twain fan, but Celine has more talent of the two. 

Round 4 - Pick 11: Kayce And Kylie Quinn 

Canadian Twin Porn Stars, the perfect value pick for Round 4. There may be some controversy if they are Canadian or American, but the bottom line is they do great work. 

Round 4 - Pick 12: Michael J. Fox

Steal of the draft. Mr. irrelevant is Canada's sweetheart. Back to the Future is an all time classic, and when MJF had to retire from acting due to Parkinson's Disease, he became a selfless humanitarian doing The Lord's through his work with the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's. 

This episode was brought to life by the fine folks at PaintYourLife.com .They draw family portraits that make perfect gift for the Holidays. Text: "TWISTED" to 87204 to get 20% off an incredible painting at PaintYourLife.com. You can have fun with it by having the artist put you and your family into a random painting, like or you can give a serious gift that will absolutely make your mom cry when she sees one of her favorite memories made into a painting. The choice is yours, both finished products look phenomenal. 

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