The NBA World Is Dying To Figure Out If Joel Embiid Ripped A Hellacious Fart Right In Dennis Schroder's Face Last Night
Joel Embiid came dangerously close to having a triple-double in last night's 114-99 win over the Raptors. 28 points, 13 rebounds, and 7 assists for the big fella. But speaking of doubles...the real turning point of the game happened near the end of the 1st half when Joel Embiid came dangerously close to going number 2 right on Dennis Schroder's chest.
The thing about Joel Embiid is that this man gets intensely sweaty the exact moment a basketball game starts. Less than 5 minutes into any game, there's already sweat dripping off his beard. So you can only imagine what type of under carriage situation he's dealing with during a game. All I have to say is that trusting a fart in that situation is a dicey call. I'd put the odds of a clean fart somewhere around +250, and a shart at -165.
When you take a moment to really break down the clip, it gets harder and harder to refute any claims that Embiid crop dusted the shit out of Shroder down there. First up, you have the aggressive body bend. Obviously Embiid gets tired out there and needs to go hands on knees, but he dropped at least 5 degrees below that normal level to really squeeze that one out. You have the ref walk into the frame and immediately wipe at his nose like he just smelled death. And then Shroder immediately coming back to life the moment that Embiid gets out of the squat is just synced up too perfectly for it to be merely coincidental.
Joel Embiid hasn't done much in his career to give himself the benefit of the doubt here. This is a man who just received a $35,000 fine for doing a "Suck It" celebration. So did he rip ass in Dennis Schroder's face last night while he was laying on the court? We'll just go ahead and call it more than likely. But before the NBA goes crazy with another fine, we might need to do some actual investigation here. Check the Skims underwear from last night for evidence.