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Dana Beers Went For 25 And 15 Last Night For The Barstool Basketball Team Vs. The Eggplants

Look, I don't care if you're playing in the NBA, NCAA, CYO, or the Wednesday Night NY C-League at the YMCA......25 and 15 is 25 and 15. There's not one person in the history of the sport that has lucked their way to 25 points and 15 boards. I mean, only two people in the NBA even grabbed 15 rebounds last night, and they only put up 21 points (Vucevic) and 6 points (Mitchell Robinson) respectively. But Dana B topped them both and went for 25 and 15 against the Eggplants. So I'll give a tip of the cap to the big, big fella here. That's a monster stat line. Dana B and the B stands for BACK. 

A John Wall-esque type of mixtape there. A walking Double Double like Fat Kevin Love back in 2013. And did my guy take a Charge??

Now, as someone who is a mere 74-7 over the last three years as a head high school basketball coach, I feel qualified to evaluate the rest of the teams' stat line:

A couple notes:

- 50% from the charity stripe may not bite you in the ass against the Eggplants, but it WILL cost you in a big game. Get to the gym, get to the line, and make them mean something when you practice them. But remember, they are FREE.

- Do these motherfuckers pass? 57 points on 5 assists reeks of selfish play. Attack the basket and dish to where the help came from. A fist is more powerful than 5 fingers.

- There's a place for Hubbs on every team. Not everyone needs to score, but everyone needs to know their role and excel in it. Only 3 shots taken, but with 7 rebounds, 2 steals and 0 turnovers? Okay, Draymond!

- Is that John Rich of Tony Snell?

John was 1 block shy of a Trillion! Mark Titus would be proud.

- Absolutely love Jetski using 4 fouls. I understand wanting to keep Nick and Dana out of trouble, but do the rest of these guys know they get 5? Billy, Steve, John Rich, Hubbs….be aggressive! 

- I'm a little concerned with 80% of our scoring coming from two players. I'm not saying the best players shouldn't be the scorers, but if you rely too much on only two people, one bad night / injury / good defender on the other team and what does this team score? 30?

- Only four 3 Point Attempts? Listen I haven't seen these boys shoot, but I do understand Math and I'd like to point out that 3 > 2. Any team that isn't following the 3s and Keys philosophy these days is playing Stone Age basketball.

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- And finally, once again, Dana B appears to just be a fucking dawg on the court? Led the team in scoring, rebounds, assists, FG%, and blocks. Got to the line 6x. Limited his turnovers. And even showed off his range? Sheeesh. If this man has any eligibility left I got a high school team in Ohio that could use his services.

Final thought: how is someone not following this team with a camera? Or at least obtaining the Eye in the Sky footage from their games? People need to see the South Shore Spin Cycle more than they need to breathe right now.