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"Florida Man" Is The Sport Of The Future, Featuring Events Like Evading Arrest And Beer Belly Wrestling

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ST. AUGUSTINE, Fla. (AP)It ain’t the Olympics, but a group of Floridians plan to host competitions themed according to the collective antics of the beer-loving, gator-possessing, rap-sheet heavy, mullet-wearing social media phenomenon known as “Florida Man.”

…Among the contests planned for next February in St. Augustine, Florida, according to organizers, are the Evading Arrest Obstacle Course in which contestants jump over fences and through yards while being chased by real police officers; the Category 5 Cash Grab in which participants try to grab as much money in a wind-blowing booth; and the self-explanatory beer-belly wrestling.

Lacrosse has already had its time come and go. Pickleball has too many noise complaints, and is injuring too many elderly for it to be sustainable. But Florida Man? Well now that's a sport with some staying power. Your kids are going to be playing Florida Man. Your grandchildren will be going to college on scholarships to play NCAA Division 1 Florida Man. 

From what I've gathered, it's almost like if you took track and field but put everybody on meth. I like how you can have different events going on at the same time. You've got some crackhead running away from the cops along the track, while you have a couple of flat drunkards wrestling in the infield over which NASCAR driver is better. It's just some good, clean, wholesome family fun. 

And the best part about Florida Man is that the headlines never stop. There are endless new events which can be added to the games every single year. It keeps it fresh and new and exciting. I, for one, just can't wait until my Saturday mornings are spent taking my kids to Florida Boy and Florida Girl games. Start the kids early and make sure they've really locked down the fundamentals of what it takes to be an elite Florida Man by the time they're getting recruited for college. 

Obviously Florida is going to be a hot bed here. But I think Arizona is going to add a ton of talent to the player pool. I think cities like Cleveland, Detroit, and Philly all have potential to produce quality players. Really anywhere you can still find people getting ankle tattoos is where the best players are going to come from.