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'Why Can't I Be Happy?' - The Broncos Are So Bad That Even Sean Payton Has No Idea How To Act After A Win

Listen, Sean, step 1 here is simple. Go eat food you like. That seems like an easy fix that even the biggest football coach can figure out. You don't eat food you hate just because your wife and kids love it. They weren't out there getting a win. You and Jordan Love's inability to be average were out there willing a victory. 

I don't know man, maybe just maybe enjoy some food you like. You can afford it. You can eat two dinners which is something that should be way more common in marriages. People don't like the same shit, even if you're married. One person likes spicy stuff, the other doesn't. One person likes sushi, the other wants pasta. Whatever it might be just eat whatever the hell you want. Be like John Rich. 

You want some chicken parm or wings at 9am? Go ahead. You can even look like this! 

I don't blame Payton for never being happy though. I'd be pissed if I agreed to coach the Broncos and Russ Wilson is, well, Russ Wilson. That team stinks, something he probably should have done a little research on before agreeing to coach them. But you won a game. That's a big step in Broncos world. Treat yourself to something you like to eat. Don't worry about sushi. The last thing you should be doing is circling around the parking lot wondering why you're never happy. The answer is quite literally in front of you.