Finally, a Taylor Swift Conspiracy Theory We Can All Get Behind

Kevin Sabitus. Getty Images.

I am firmly on record as saying I have no interest in the Taylor Swift-Travis Kelce situation. Whether it's an actual dating relationship or just a cynical Psy-Op designed to bring together the two biggest demographic groups in America in order to push Pfizer boosters.

… it does not concern me. All I'm rooting for is for the whole thing to be the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand that sparks the inevitable War to End All Wars between the Swifties and Brittany Mahomes fans:

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And while I recognize the two reportedly hung out together away from the game, those tensions remain. And all it's going to take is one incident and the world will burn. 

That aside, there is one element to this saga that should appeal to the conspiracy theorist in all of us:

Source - On 30th September, Taylor Swift was the star attraction on the viewers’ side at MetLife Stadium with her rumoured boyfriend, Travis Kelce, when the duo was seen enjoying the Kansas City Chiefs’ game against the New York Jets. The celebrity box she sat in also had Sophie Turner and Hugh Jackman.

While her fans were pumped to see her ever-busy singing sensation enjoying some lively moments with Kelce at the game, critics suggest that her presence at the game could be a PR stunt. It is being discussed on social media that she specifically chose the “New York Jets” game to allegedly bury the reports of her CO2 emissions. Thanks to Search Engine Optimisation, if anyone searches “Taylor Swift Jet” in Google, the results will point towards links, photos and stories related to her and Kelce attending the game.

Taylor has been in the headlines multiple times for her extensive use of private jet for travelling. With the appearance at the game, there are rumours that Taylor’s PR team strategically pumped the search engines, burying the negative reports around the usage of private jets. …

In July 2022, Yard released a list of celebrities with the worst CO2 emission ranking. Taylor topped the list with 170 flights from January to July. She spent 22,923 minutes in the, which equals 15.9 days, leading to a total of a whopping 8,293.54 tonnes. It was 1,184.8 times more CO2 than the average person’s annual emissions.

OK, now we're talking. This one just speaks to me:

First, because it's linked to something that goes right up my crack sideways and should do the same for anyone with a brain cell in their skull. And that is wealthy beautiful people lecturing the world about how our carbon footprints are destroying precious Gaia Mother Earth while belching tons of fuel out the back of their private jets just to shave a couple of hours off their travel time. Leonardo DiCaprio nagged us from the stage after he was handed the Oscar for that movie where he gets raped by a bear, then hopped a PJ to Europe where he cruised the Mediterranean on one of the biggest private yachts in the world. But sure, the rest of us will happily cram into our shitty SmartCars to carpool with strangers so you can get head from a lingerie model at 35,000 feet, Leo.

But more than that, this checks off every box of what makes an OK conspiracy theory great. 

First, its utter plausibility. A similar theory has been around for years that the whole reason the biggest movie studio in the world chose to make a musical about a Scandinavian fairy tale set in the snow, was just so that when people used the search term "disney frozen," it would no longer produce links to articles about the urban legend of Walt Disney's corpse being turned into a cryo-popsicle for later use.

Second, its simplicity. This isn't like the JFK assassination theories (plausible though I think a lot of them are) that have to involve dozens if not hundreds of people, all of them keeping their mouths shut and their stories straight. Witnesses getting whacked. The people who whacked them getting whacked. Others blackmailed into going along. That's a lot of work. Whereas this one was as simple as looking at the Jets schedule. Finding an opposing player who is such a fame-chasing attention whore that the most dangerous place on Earth is between him and a camera, and asking if he wants in. Kelce was the perfect pasty. 

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Third, everyone benefits. There are no parties involved in the conspiracy who have any incentive not to go along. Swift's handlers make a PR embarrassment vanish overnight. Swift herself gets free publicity courtesy of the NFL's broadcast partners. They in turn get to sell light beer, insurance and their awful TV shows to an audience that would otherwise be on Instagram. And Kelce gets the one thing he wants more than anything in this life: More people talking about him. It's a win all around. 

More to the point, it's working. 

If Taylor Swift's team was facing a PR nightmare involving, bears, commanders, dolphins, Vikings, patriots or phone chargers,  they would've found some other player to bring into their web of deceit. But like Oswald, Kelce was the perfect man in the right place at the right time. This myth is CONFIRMED.