Dave Portnoy Just Bought The Most Expensive Home Ever Purchased In Massachusetts: A $42 MILLION Palace In Nantucket

Gustavo Caballero. Shutterstock Images.

Nantucket Current- A waterfront estate along Nantucket Harbor is set to sell today for $42 million - a residential real estate record for both the island and the entire state of Massachusetts - and sources tell the Current the buyer is believed to be Dave Portnoy, the founder of the media company Barstool Sports.

Holy fucking moly. What a spot. Welcome home, Dave. Well done, old friend. Let me know when you're settled enough for me to bring over a nice $24 bottle of chablis—little housewarming present. I'll make sure it's ice cold and you can uncork that sucker while I plop my bags down in the pool house. Simple man, I am. No need to put me in the main building of the, uh, dwelling. 

Take a moment to marvel at those pictures. I'm speechless. Apparently there is an underground tunnel, which is important these days. Never know when you'll have to escape a horde of restless protestors who are mad they're not wealthy like you are. I'm guessing Dave can stock that tunnel with enough wine and cheese and frozen pizza to wait out even the most zealous of zealots.

I don't have a whole lot to add. Just thought I'd congratulate my boss on his eye-watering new property. As someone who grew up on the shores of coastal New England, let me be the first to say welcome, brother. We're happy you're back. 

PS- remember when Nantucket Magazine ran a story on Dave's philanthropy to small businesses, then received backlash from angry Nantucket residents, then issued an apology like a bunch of bitches? 

What an insanely fantastic way to dunk on those whiny Nantucket residents. Oh, you don't want me on your island? Whoops, just purchased the biggest, most expensive place since Moby Dick haunted these waters. Enjoy your shacks, peasants! 

PPS- once again, this blog is meant for the sole purposing of currying favor with Dave. And clicks.