Advanced Stats: Garrett Stubbs Hit The Most Hungover Home Run In MLB History

Tim Nwachukwu. Getty Images.

Great moments are born from great opportunities.

It's not every day you see a legend being created right in front of your very eyes. It takes a special moment. A moment that allows you to suspend disbelief, and just appreciate the beauty of human achievement. Just think about it for a moment--one day there was a massive explosion in the middle of the black vastness of space. Because of that explosion, a little floating rock called Earth was invented. Human life began, alcohol was discovered, baseball was invented, and all of it came together last night as Phillies backup catch Garrett Stubbs hit a home run for the ages. 

Now Garrett Stubbs hitting his first home run of the season isn't anything too spectacular when it's void of context. But keep in mind that less than 24 hours ago before that pitch was thrown, this was Garrett Stubbs. 

This man was gassing his body weight in tequila while celebrating the Phillies clinching a wild card spot. That might not be saying much considering he's listed generously at 170lbs. I'd imagine that is 170lbs while he's 80% full of tequila. But the fact of the matter is that this menace was partying his dick off in the clubhouse after the Phillies clinched their spot in the playoffs. One of the most heroic locker room performances we've ever seen. 

I'm sure there have been MLB players who have gotten drunker than Garrett Stubbs was on Tuesday night in the clubhouse. There have obviously been bigger home runs hit than the one Garrett Stubbs hit last night. But has there ever been a player who woke up THAT hung laundry and proceeded to yabo that same night? Highly doubtful. 

Just think about when you wake up hung titties. You're completely worthless the entire day. More than likely, you're a complete sack of shit for at least the next 36 hours minimum. You barely get yourself up to grab a coffee and a breakfast sandwich. You order chinese food to be delivered later in the day. You doze in and out of sleep on the couch the whole afternoon. You can't do a single damn thing. Meanwhile, Garrett Stubbs is standing behind the plate seeing 3 balls getting pitched to him at the same damn time, and he still manages to go yard. Build the damn statue already.