Chris Simms Cements Himself As The Biggest Piece Of Shit In Sports, Says Teams Should "Try To Kill" Jalen Hurts To Stop The Tush Push
Holy shit. Never before has a single play in football created this level of purely unhinged reaction from the rest of the country. It's unbelievable. The Eagles found a way to pick up a quick 1 or 2 yards, and now we have people saying that Jalen Hurts should get unalived on the field because of it? What the fuck is going on here?
Now Chris Simms, and Steven Cheah, are two of the biggest nerds in the world of football. But I can at least understand it coming from Cheah a little bit. I mean this guy writes fan fiction about the NFL. He views the league as a legitimate fantasy world, and thinks of NFL players as super heroes instead of just humans who are really good at football. The guy probably wears Buccaneers pajamas to bed for when he goes night nights. I can understand Steven Cheah not having a grasp on the fact that these are humans we are talking about when he says that teams should just hurt Jalen Hurts to stop the Brotherly Shove.
But Chris Simms? This fucking guy, man. This piece of shit couldn't even recite a play in training camp, and has spent the rest of his adult life hating quarterbacks because of it.
Chris Simms sucked as a football player. He sucks as an analyst. And he's just an angry little piece of shit because of it. And I mean...I guess that's fine. Just admit to the world that you have no idea what you're talking about, that you're a piece of shit, and that all of your "analysis" is strictly based on how much you hate a guy because he's infinitely more successful than you on the field. As long as Chris Simms would man up and admit to all that, we'd be fine. He'd still be an asshole, but I can respect a guy who at least owns it.
But this prick immediately tries to walk his statement back. "Oh I didn't mean it like that"....well then how the fuck did you mean it, Chris? Just that you want someone to go out there and turn Jalen Hurts' brain into a bowl of mush? That you want someone to snap every single bone in his body? But at least he still has a pulse so he's not fully dead? Totally rationale behavior there, pal. Not unhinged in the slightest.
And here's the biggest thing that idiots like Chris Simms and Steven Cheah don't get--you can't get to Jalen Hurts during the Brotherly Shove unless you have a group up front who can out work the Eagles offensive line. And what has been proven time and time again is that there are very few teams in this league who can do that. You want to get to the quarterback? You have to go through Landon Dickerson first.
You need to go through Jason Kelce first. You need to go through Lane Johnson first. You need to go through Jordan Mailata first. You need to go through Cam Jurgens first. If there's a group out there who can do that, then yeah, Jalen might have to protect himself a little bit out there. But the Bucs sure as shit didn't have anyone capable of doing that.
Advertisement
Want to know the best way to stop the Brotherly Shove? Stop letting the Eagles get to short yardage situations. Prevent them from getting to the goal line. Prevent them from having a 3rd &1. Play better. That's all it really comes down to. Just play better. Stop bitching about a "rugby play", and just figure out how to play better football to not even give them the option.
Now quit whining about the play and buy a shirt.