From the desk of the (co) Editor in Chief, welcome back to the Barstool Power Rankings!
This is week 5 of doing the new season of Power Rankings and man did I pick the 100% correct time to bring them back .The Mean Girls shit, Dave vs the World (volume 1,530,359), Kirk fully engraining himself into the company more than I've ever seen, and so much more- I'd say the last month has been a Barstool renaissance. From COVID in 2020 until Dave bought back the company, I was with you guys- the "real" Barstool feeling slowly deteriorated the more and more we became a straight up gambling company. Now we once again feel like an entertainment company with people who also bet on sports, and it's SO MUCH BETTER this way.
As for the week that was, it was an interesting one. PizzaFest was last Saturday and even though it rained the entire time, the vibes were fantastic. It was the perfect set up- alcohol and unlimited pizza on a baseball field with music playing, what's better than that? Obviously the rain sucked but it was a great day nonetheless.
The rest of the week was dominated by Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce to which yeah, is pretty annoying at this point, but also it makes sense why it's such huge news. People will always be fascinated and intrigued by public figures and celebrities, and Taylor is the biggest on the planet right now, and she's attending Kansas City Chiefs games. It's bizarro world stuff and though it's a little too much at this point, you simply cannot ignore it.
And as for Barstool, what's funny is it was a "slow" week as far as inner-Barstool drama is concerned, but it was still a jam-packed week nonetheless. Like, a slow week now would be the busiest week 3 months ago. And BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: Next week is #NateWeek at Barstool Sports. I was officially hired October 1st, 2013, yes, 10 years ago! So to celebrate, we will have #NateWeek which means absolutely nothing. Literally nothing. I have nothing planned for it, at all. Maybe this is when Dave finally gives me equity, right? Like, he was waiting for year 10 to give me that little sliver so I can get out of apartments where literally meth heads live next door? A boy can dream.
And literally as I'm writing this paragraph apparently Dave bought a $42 million house???
How fucking rich is this guy?! That news literally broke as I was writing about living next door to a meth head. God's plan. So I guess let's just hop into Power Rankings. Pass out our top 5, give out some needs improvements, and then some other awards highlighting the week that was:
5) Steven Cheah
There's no such thing as bad publicity, right? Even if that publicity is because you…checks notes…publicly said you want an NFL QB to have his head ripped off his body.
The clip made enough waves that Jalen himself saw it and referenced it in his press conference.
Now, the funny part about Cheah is he didn't say it so the Bucs could come back and win the game. He said it because he thinks the "Tush Push" play should be banned, so if Jalen got hurt while doing it, it would fast-track the NFL to banning it.
There's like one thing sports fans take the moral high-ground on, and that is "wishing someone gets hurt". But obviously it's all bullshit, because most of us would prefer the best player on the team our team is facing would be too hurt to play. It's not insane to want to play the Eagles without Jalen Hurts. You just can't say it on a live stream! Nobody wants Jalen to fall off a mountain into a vat of lava, but if he misses Sunday's game with turf toe, I won't cry for him, that much is for certain.
So Cheah was more or less the main character on NFL Twitter at the beginning of the week, but at least he apologized…
4) Just a quick pause. $42 million. We can't sit here and act like that's normal. I can't act like any of this is normal at all. Let's just go to number 3.
EDIT: Tommy just wrote a great blog about it.
Blog of the month.
Oh, Francis, my poor boy. Not literally poor, as we all know, but my goodness the roller coaster of ups and downs this guy takes week in and week out are unlike any other. He is such an emotional, heart on his sleeve guy, and you never know when the next up or down will come.
He had a great week this week, staring in not one but TWO Barstool reality shows, The Writer Cup and Barstool's Most Dangerous Gameshow where he now infamously delivered a tribal council speech that will go down in Barstool and reality show history.
Let's talk about this real quick, because I find the psychology behind it fascinating. You sign up for these reality shows knowing you're playing a game/filming something for content. You want to win obviously, but you know it's a game. As a Survivor fan, you see it all the time: there's people who go into it 100% knowing they are competing in a game, and they start developing relationships, and then get extremely pissed off, taken a back, and led astray when stabbed in the back or lied to by a fellow competitor. And the backstabber always says the same thing- the bonding was real, but at the end of the day we are here to compete for a cash prize, and in the game I did what I had to do in order to advance. Francis was unable to separate the two, while Rudy voted him out, causing Francis to spiral and drop to his lowest moment.
I'm always fascinated by this sort of thing because even 45 seasons into Survivor, there is always someone every season who gets offended when someone lies to them. Lucky for me, I get to play Surviving Barstool next week, and will get to experience it first hand. I'd like to think I'll be able to handle it well, but who knows, as I've never been in this situation. Should be fun, and a mind fuck as well!
But back to Francis- along with being a reality star and doing a great job on Radio talking about it, he also had a very strong blog week, which I recommend you checking out!
Good guy, crazy guy, love that he's on our side.
2) KB No Swag
KB is the most impressive person I know. And I want to keep this short because even though he won't read this, he's not the type of guy who would want accolades, even fake ones like being in meaningless Power Rankings. But I do think it's important that people know just how brilliant KB is. I'm always so impressed how he can just do whatever he puts his mind to. He wanted to be a D1 wrestler, so he did. He wanted to write the funniest blogs on the internet, so he did. He wanted to bulk up and look like Aaron Donald, so he did. And now we have found out he literally, quite literally, can learn about any topic he wants to, with 100% accuracy. In the finals of the 1 v 1 Dozen competition, he chose the Bachelor as all his niche categories because he was playing Fran. If he was playing Frank he was going to choose the Mets. Why? Because he can. Just to flex, dude. If you haven't watched it, do yourself a favor, because I cannot stress how impressive it is. Here's a taste:
Plus, he can do story time before bed for your kids. What can't his guy do!
I'm glad we have Kyle and not NASA or St. Jude's. Child cancer is fine, but what would the world be without a podcast called ANUS?
And number 1 goes toooooo….
WE RYDE BABY! WE RYDE!!!
1) Rico Bosco
Bosco did it. He really did it. Turned his entire god damn life around. None of that old Bosco stuff was a bit. He was an unhinged maniac. He was attempting murder left and right. Harassing people. A nightmare of a person. And he's completely different now. He's funny. Humble. And is doing the most entertaining daily show we've seen in quite some time. It's the Bosco we love without the 50/50 chance the police need to be called. Even Dave's 21 Simps can't stop the Bosco Train.
Healthy debate, does he need to reserve the studio from 1-5pm for a 30 minute show that starts at 4pm, healthy debate. Not my call, I'm just a humble blogger, healthy debate. NEVERTHELESS, the show is so entertaining, definitely check it out M-Th at 4pm.
1) Ben Mintz
The very next day….
I'm very glad Mintzy is in the self-improvement game, but I have a littttttle inkling the man still does not quite understand how diets work. Reminds me of his "I don't eat sugar" tweet…
I think he's fucking with us, but I also think he's not. I don't know, man. He's Andy Kaufman when it comes to eating, I don't know which way is up or down. It's just Mintz.
2) The DON
I'll keep this one brief- you can't be texting your boss to "rattle some cages" about who showed up to Pizza Fest. Just can't do that. And then throwing my name around? Get outta town with that. Thankfully I was cleared.
I don't think Dave took it seriously, and obviously Dante was Gaz'd into doing it, but imagine if I did that? It'd be World War 3. The Don did issue a very important thread apologizing for it, which is a nice gesture.
New rule- no texting Dave after a couple Vodka Crans.
3) The Weather
Honestly, this weather is just fucking brutal and I wish it'd stop raining. Make it stop.
Video of the Week: Barstool Throws a Ball at Vibbs' Head
Look at that form!
Sketch of the Week:
It was a solid week front to back, a fun one to work here for. But maybe we need to hire back Mean Girls to stir things up a bit? I kid, I kid. I actually had a good week personally- I've become a good host of the Rundown, something I enjoy doing, and I infiltrated Survivor Twitter with my little rant about how bad the premier was, which was neat.
Let's wrap it up like I wish your dad did. Make sure to keep supporting us, we need you now more than ever, can you imagine the cost to maintain Dave's new house? And the taxes? My heavens! Buy 10 of Kirk's PPVs, live this Saturday from Saco.
Have a great weekend you cum swappers.