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Travis Kelce Set Back Men Everywhere By Introducing Some New Girlfriend To His Parents Too Early

Cooper Neill. Getty Images.

Meeting parents is a major step in any relationship. It's huge. It means I take you seriously. I think you'll be around for a long time. For many, it may even mean I'm ready to introduce you to the most important people in my life, whose opinions mean more to me than anyone. It's a big, big deal. It's not a stretch to say that at a certain age, you only introduce your girlfriend to your parents if you think they might be the one

Any real man will warn you against rushing these introductions. The stakes are too high; you better be sure. Because the more people you introduce to your parents, the less seriously they will take each successive gal. If the door to your childhood home becomes some revolving door of new girlfriends, your parents will stop taking them, and you, seriously. They'll get tired of learning new names, of cooking the casserole for them but doing a quarter of it without the beef since this one's a vegan, this one requires chamomile tea before bed, this one can't handle cat dander and thus we're eating all meals on the lawn despite the windchill. 

As teenagers, we had to meet parents every single time we went to anyone's house for a little basement movie action where you crank the volume of Saw II to 94% to drown out the puddle-jumping symphony of knuckle spelunking. But once you crest the hill of your thirties, to bring a girl home means booking flights, setting the table of expectations, anxiously reading subliminal messaging—is she passing the test? Are my parents passing her test? So much judgement, so much measuring. So much silent love-making in your childhood bed, swallowing grunts through gritted teeth before she pads quietly back to the spare bedroom since dad's traditional. 

Rumors of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift being an item started swirling last week. No chance these two can hang out undetected, so we'll start the clock on their relationship two weeks ago at most. The big news of the weekend was Taylor cheering on Travis from a box at Arrowhead next to Trav's mother, Donna. It's highly unlikely they were both there coincidentally. I don't want to tell tales out of school but I think we can safely say that Travis Kelce introduced Taylor Swift to his mother… less than two weeks in to their new relationship

Travis. What are you doing. This is much too soon. Much too quick. Every real man knows you don't introduce your new lady to mom just two weeks in! That's a recipe for disaster. For now, Taylor holds all the power. What's left as far as intrigue? Women love to meet their guy's parents. It makes them feel like they're being taken seriously, that the relationship is meaningful and there is a future here. The SECOND a guy says, "mom, dad, meet Taylor," he's given her all the power. And unless his parents tragically pass away unexpectedly and he's taken in by a new family, you can't reset that power balance. 

Next thing you know, Taylor will be chumming it up with Donna as a way of securing her place in your life. She'll be going on shopping sprees with her and giving her concert tickets and backstage passes and providing a level of luxury that your mom will become accustomed to. Which means that if you end the relationship, Travis, you'll be disappointing your own mom. Hell, she may even side with Taylor! Women are like that sometimes. 

Beyond that, let's say you do gather the courage to break it off. What then? Every single woman you date from here on out will be compared to Taylor Swift by your mom, and none will measure up. Donna will drop subtle, passive-aggressive comments: "it's too bad this new one doesn't play the guitar, like you-know-who… Gosh, she was so good for you, Travis. I still don't understand why you ended that." 

As Dave once said, it's marriage or bust here. She's part of the family now, thanks to Travis's impulsive, reckless eagerness. I sure hope it works out. Because if it doesn't, Travis? You'll have disappointed your own mother.