4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE


This Inmate Giving Nothing But Winners From The Inside Needs To Start Touting His Gambling Picks

I need to know what our guy has tonight for MNF like I need air to breathe. While we've got new guys lying about betting 67% on the NFL, this guy is actually murdering the books. That's a guy who knows ball. I had to look up what he did to make sure he wasn't the worst human ever, and this is what I found:

DECATUR — A man wanted for alleged crimes in both Coles and Sangamon counties was caught in Decatur armed with a handgun he said he won gambling, according to prosecutors.

Can't make that up. Guy just can't stop gambling. And on that note, if he is a bad human, then I'm separating the art from the artist and know nothing about nothing. He was so close to sweeping the board too which could have gone a different way if it weren't for the missed pass interference call that would have won the Ravens the game. His commissary is about to be BOOMING. 

I'm imagining his significant other on the other line just scrolling through the app trying to get the bets in and then he says something like "Houston over Indiana" which is just not a real game but he may have just been like 6 months early on a March Madness winner or something and breaking her brain. Ravens owe this guy some free tickets when he's freed or something because he was in the lab COOKING.

When he's not studying picks, he's making skits that are going viral on TikTok:

I am now on high alert waiting for the MNF picks that we have no choice but to tail. We're up against the clock here!