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Tinder Is Rolling Out $500 PER MONTH "Exclusive Services"

Robb Report - On Monday, Tinder’s chief product officer Mark Van Ryswyk announced the online dating giant is developing a $500-per-month subscription for those intent on finding future partners. The model, which is still in its early stages, has been tentatively named Tinder Vault, Fast Company reports, with no word on when it would officially launch. The concept comes amid news that Match Group, parent company to popular dating apps such as Tinder, Match and Hinge, posted its first quarterly decline in the fourth quarter of 2022—in part due to Tinder’s “weaker-than-expected product execution,” according to Match Group CEO Bernard Kim. 

As I write this, I still hardly believe this is real. I saw one tweet, then I did a Twitter search, then I did a Google search. Everything says it's real, but I still don't fully believe it. But then I saw Bloomberg posted an article about it (behind a paywall). So shit... if the ever prestigious says it's true, then I have no choice but to believe it.

Bloomberg - Tinder Offers $500-a-Month Subscription to Its Most Active Users

- $6,000 per year plan is invite-only and includes ‘VIP’ search

- Tinder-parent Match Group has seen declining subscribers

Meek Phill - "So what do I get to hold her hand?"

So yeah, I think this is actually real. That's more than a regular car payment. That's leasing a BMW. Sorry for rambling up top. I just couldn't let myself believe that Tinder was actually doing this. What on earth could Tinder have to offer that is worth $500/month? Just get a hooker at that point. Just get a mail order bride. I once worked with a guy who had a mail order bride from somewhere in Asia. He smelled like shit but his wife was gorgeous. That sounds better than $500 a month for the chance of meeting someone half-way decent.

Honestly you can't blame Tinder. People are so fucking desperate to not be lonely that you know they're going to pay for it. Apparently there's data to back it up.

Van Ryswyk says lessons learned from Match Group’s acquisition of the League, an exclusive dating app that hopefuls cough up $1,000 a week on to meet potential partners, in July 2022 has helped Tinder discover that’s an audience willing to pay more for higher-quality experiences.

I suppose I could understand it if it's gets you access to a very exclusive, very rich dating pool. Something like Raya, where everyone on the app is a famous-ish millionaire. Where $500/month is chump change for anybody who's accepted. That would make sense. We know it's going to be invite only. Tinder isn't just going to take $500/month from anybody. That would be a ridiculous business plan. Only the elite of the elite will have the privilege of throwing money at an app to cure their loneliness. 

What I would like to do is be on the Tinder team who gets to decide who is worthy of Tinder Select (or Tinder Vault depending on which article your read). You get an application, then you scour the applicant's social media to see if they have fire posts, judge their face and body, make them disclose their annual salary, and determine whether they deserve to use my super special love app. That would be neat. 

What a day for love. What a day for America. If anybody reading this ends up getting accepted into the Tinder Select program (LMFAO) please let us know how much automatic pussy you get. For $500/month I'm assuming it's a lot.